Mortality: An Attack on Titan story
by Fiction Chronicler Nick
Summary: It was almost as if they were finally living normal lives, working the normal job of seeing the world and gathering together for dinner like a normal family. (tags: spoilers up until Chapter 90; canon-compliant as of Chapter 90; mentions of Chapter 50; loose character study)
1. One

_Titan-sized disclaimer: Attack on Titan (Shingeki no Kyojin in Japanese) and all associated characters, places, and terms are a property of Hajime Isayama-san. I do not own Isayama-san's work of fiction, and no copyright infringement is intended. I'm just a guy who appreciates his work, and has fun writing this. Live long and prosper._

The Titan shifter barely had half a decade left to slay his enemies.

Strangely enough, the very thought of it was more awakening than it was dreadful. True, when a man nears his end, he desires what's left of his brief existence to be charged with purpose more than anything, and Eren was no different in that regard. In the share of combat for the past couple of years, he was propelled by a single thought: the survival of the human race ensured by the extinction of the Titans. _A war machine, a force multiplier_ —that has been my role all this time, and that it shall always be for the remainder of this existence, Eren thought. In a twist of irony, few things such as impending death could spur one's thoughts and even prod one to look deep within, introspecting previously veiled fears, motivations, and unasked questions. One of the latter haunted him now.

 _What meaning does this brief life carry outside of my goal, my chosen destiny?_

"You've been out here a long while," Armin quipped from behind him, "Almost as if you've just seen the ocean for the first time."

Despite being shaken from his moment of solitude, the Titan shifter could not suppress a small smile. Bare feet and rolled up trousers ankle deep in the seawater, he picked up a stone and tossed it a good five meters away, vanishing quickly amongst the gently rolling waves. The ocean reflected the brilliant orange painted by the sun across the sky, creating a scene conducive to existentialist thinking or open conversation with an old friend.

"That wouldn't be entirely true," Eren replied, "You described it so well when we were little, it's almost exactly how I pictured it then. Even a blockhead can imagine, you know."

The blond stood by his side and shrugged, "I didn't say anything. I'm not sure where that came from."

After absentmindedly tossing a stone himself, Armin decided it was time to goad his friend to speaking up. Eren was doing a rather good job at hiding it, but the blond boy could sense something was troubling him.

"Anything else going on inside that 'blockhead?' Lightening the load might help a bit."

The Titan shifter paused for a moment, clasping both hands atop his unkempt hair, "Been thinking about the time I had left, what I could possibly achieve in four years, about our enemies on the other side of this ocean..."

"And?"

"I've been committed to the cause for so long, yet I've never really put some serious thought into the costs behind it. For every Titan I kill, ten soldiers lose their lives covering my back or pulling my ass out of the fire. The thought of losing more people in the next four years because of my mistakes? It scares me. And it doesn't stop there. I dragged you guys into this, you and Mikasa. I never intended this hellish existence—"

"Eren," said his friend, laying a hand on Eren's shoulder before the shifter could finish, "If you want to hear the truth, here it goes. First off, your sacrifice is no lesser than the soldiers' that laid down their lives, and theirs is no lesser than yours. It's all the same to the human race. We're all fighting, and dying, to ensure its survival. It just so happens you can go toe-to-toe with those man-eaters while your brothers-in-arms have to use blades. At the end of the day however, we're all progressing towards the same goal. Commander Erwin told me that by keeping that collective goal alive, no soldier would have died in vain. Win, and it's a victory for the human race as well. We just have to keep pressing forward.

"Second—shh, don't interrupt me—your friends probably knew what they signed up for. From day one, I knew the risks, the consequences, the price. Yeah, for a while there, I was reluctant. But I also wasn't about to let you march into hell itself alone. A coward it might make of me, but that scares me more than getting devoured."

"I'm pretty sure you'll be doing the devouring from now on. The next time we see Reiner, do me a favor and flatten that armored bastard after I punish him."

"Don't get me started on that. I still get nightmares from eating Bertholdt. And I'm still not confident with my abilities as we haven't field tested the Colossal Titan yet."

"A couple of transformations in, and it'll feel natural. Don't worry about it. Just watch where you step," said Eren, a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Sure hope so. I'd rather not make a mess of things. Where were we? Right, you interrupted me again. I know you're probably aware of this Eren, but Mikasa made her own decision to fight alongside you, just as I did. Do you think she's here to pay off a debt she incurred years ago?"

"I honestly don't know. I never asked her about it, but it has crossed my mind."

"Bollocks, Eren. Your relationship may have started on the night you saved her life, but it was never just about that. She loves you, and that's what makes the hellish existence you speak of bearable. All I'm saying is don't worry about us. We're here of our own accord, and we're here for you. So stay the course, Eren."

"Thank you. I'll remember that, Armin."

After a while, the pair started walking away from the shoreline and back to their camp, "Eh, don't mention it. In that case, I'll be helping the others prep supper. I hear we're having stew tonight. When was the last time we had meat? Two months ago was it?"

"Mhm. Thanks to Sasha. Again. Damn good archer, and an even better poacher in unsuspecting kitchens and pantries."

"Ah, Sasha. So, should Mikasa be worried now?" said the blond, somehow managing to keep a straight face.

The Titan shifter halted in his tracks, visibly caught off guard, "What? Why should she be worried?"

Armin proceeded to the middle of the camp, and replied without looking back at his friend and hiding a mischievous grin, "Nothing. I'll be joining the others now."

"Not so fast. Join you guys soon as I change," with that, Eren made a beeline for his personal tent, which was only several meters away from the fireplace Jean had going for their evening meal.


	2. Two

_Some time ago_

It was sheer luck that young Eren chanced upon his hapless friend on the way home from the market.

There were now four of them. Those four bastards had him pinned to the wall, like before. They must have dragged him to that alley, hoping to attract less attention, like before. The passersby within earshot of the commotion did nothing and went on their way, just like before. _Why? Why the hell won't Armin defend himself? Why aren't any of these people stepping in to set things right? Damn it!_

Without another moment of hesitation, he dropped the basket of vegetables where stood and charged, letting out a blood-curdling scream all the while. All four troublemakers looked in his direction, but it was too late for the one nearest Eren. Made more effective by his forward momentum, Eren's punch connected satisfyingly with the first perp's chin, knocking the latter flat on his ass. Ignoring the pain in his now throbbing hand, he swung his fist wildly at the second perp but, as luck would have it, missed entirely. Before Eren could recover for another hook, the two other perps grabbed his arms and one of them hit his gut, knocking the wind out of him.

"Guys!" Armin yelled, "Here's the coin, all I have with me! Just, take it and let him go. Let's just all go home and call it a day."

"Shut your trap, Arlert!" retorted Bully Boy No. 2, "Jaeger's got some blood to pay us back first. We'll deal with you later."

Bully Boy No. 1 scampered back up on his feet and stood in front of Eren, clutching his bruised jaw, "Let me at 'em Horace! Jimmy, Nelson, hold the squirming rat steady! I'm gonna make mincemeat outta ya, Jae—"

Without warning, Eren's head jerked forward, his forehead colliding with Bully Boy No. 1's still throbbing jaw. The latter howled at the sudden jolt of pain.

"Damn, Bert!" the one called Horace quipped, "Not feeling lucky today, are we?"

Bert looked askance at Horace, blood seeping out his nose, "You on the rat's side now, Horace? Maybe I ought to teach you both a lesson then, eh?"

Before the perps could turn against one another like predators arguing over the last morsel of their prey, Bert's rotten string of luck persisted. The lights finally went out when he sustained a blow to the back of the head, his limp form comically toppling Horace. The two remaining perps restraining Eren were incapacitated just as quickly, their wild punches harmlessly hitting air while their torsos and faces got bruised in return.

Evidently, Horace was the brightest one in the gang, "It's Mikasa! Jim, Nelson, help me up with Bert! Folk say that forest girl's cursed! Run like hell!"

When the gang finally scrammed, Eren made a motion to pursue them, his chest teeming with hatred. _Now this!? I'll teach them to speak of her like that!_ Eren would have had his way had Mikasa not held the impetuous boy back, a firm hand clamping on his shoulder.

"Eren. That's enough for one day. Let them go."

He brusquely shoved her hand aside, facing her squarely, "I'm not gonna let some scum treat us like bugs! I'm gonna punish them!"

"And then what? Once you have the upper hand, what exactly do you intend to do? Murder them the way those traffickers did my parents? You're better than this, Eren."

The girl walked past a stunned Eren and checked up on Armin, who looked fine for the most part. Her face contorted in an expression of concern.

"Armin, are you hurt? We have some medicines back home."

The blond straightened his ruffled clothing and picked up his book before giving her a tired smile, "I'm fine Mikasa, they hardly laid a finger on me. Nothing atypical really, they just wanted some coin I had on my person. We should see how Eren's doing; they tagged him at least once."

The girl turned back to her other friend, feeling slightly guilty at not checking him for injuries immediately, "Eren, let me see?"

The all too familiar scowl returned, "Listen, I'm fine! Stop worrying about me! And I had the situation under control before you butchered everything!—"

"And I'm grateful, Eren," Armin stepped in before the temperature could rise any further, "To you and Mikasa for getting me out of that pickle. Now I think it's time for us to head home. I, for one, have to help out back at the house."

"Same for us," Mikasa replied, "Aunt Carla's expecting us to be home by now. You sure you'll be okay, Armin?"

"Of course, home's not too far from here. You two take care, and I'd recommend checking up on him once he blows off some steam," Armin's voice grew noticeably quieter as he said the last words.

"Heard that!" said Eren as his childhood friend started walking away.

"Not sure what you're talking about Eren. I'll see you guys tomorrow at school. Got a big week ahead of us!"

When the two of them were left alone, Mikasa started walking without waiting for the boy, "C'mon, your Mom's waiting for us. Make yourself useful and pick up the basket you dropped. Or do you want us to have nothing to eat for dinner?"

Taken aback by her bluntness, he nonetheless complied and wordlessly walked beside her, still embittered by the pesky troublemakers. It was not until they were nearly home that Eren discerned something odd about Mikasa's hands. Her knuckles and fingers were bruised, and must have hurt from the looks of it. The boy then recalled her rubbing her hands together a few times on their way home.

In a blink of an eye, his rage over the young thugs that harassed them earlier evaporated.

"Hey," he tapped her shoulder with his free hand, "let me see."

For a moment, they both stood still and the perplexed girl replied, "See what exactly?"

"Don't be stupid. Your hands, lemme have a look."

Reluctantly, Mikasa let the boy gingerly take her hands in his. Surprisingly, his touch was rather gentle, standing in stark contrast to his usual brashness. She could never bring herself to tell him, but she loved the way his hands supported hers. It was as if her hands were the most fragile things in the world, and so he took care not to harm them in the slightest. Little did he know that the purple spots that marred her skin were but the first of many wounds, marks borne of the love she so carefully conceals from him.

He looked back at her eyes, "I'll take care of this. Let's pick up the pace, and try not to move your hands a lot."

"Eren, it's not that bad. Really. It'll be gone in a few days at most."

Of course, there was little she could do to dissuade him. When they were home, Carla gave her son some icebags and healing ointments, and the boy wasted no time upon receiving them. While his Mom prepped dinner for that evening, Eren busied himself attending to Mikasa's hands at their modest living room.

"You know, I can do this by myself later, after we finish our chores. It doesn't hurt terribly."

"Just sit still. This won't take long."

Choosing not to argue with him, they instead sat in silence, the icebag being gently dabbed along her small knuckles and fingers. After a few moments, her nurse decided to break the silence.

"Listen, I... I'm sorry about the way I reacted earlier. I just don't like dragging you to my fights, because THIS happens," emphasizing her slight injury, "And it could have been worse. I don't want you getting hurt because of me."

"And I can't just stand back and watch you get hurt. Don't get mad but, please try to understand."

He put away the icebags and started applying a lather of the ointment, "I'm not mad, Mikasa. Just frustrated I did a piss-poor job protecting you today. I put you in harm's way. That is not supposed to happen, at all."

Before he could finish applying the medicine, she threw her arms around him and pulled him close, hoping the gesture would at least quell his troubled mind. Actions become the language of the heart when words fail to express what it truly wishes to convey. Her chin resting snugly on his shoulder, she hoped he understood what her heart was trying hard to communicate.

 _We're still here, alive, and that's more than what I can ask for. So stop it. You matter so much to me._

He embraced her back, and everything felt so right at that immortal moment.


	3. Three

_Present day_

"Truth is, I don't really know yet. I've been in the Survey Corps long enough that it's hard to picture myself anywhere else. But if I give it some more thought, I might request to be transferred to the MPs. I was serious about working my way up and making some drastic changes once I hold a leadership position."

After Jean finished, Connie quipped, "But that would mean leaving Mikasa, man. Or is it Historia, now? Jean and the Queen—got a nice ring to it."

"Hey, knock it off Connie! Not cool at all."

Despite Jean's protests, it was too late. The side comment elicited some sniggers around the campfire, and even the usually stoic Mikasa managed a small smile.

"Alright Jean, have it your way. Anyway, whose turn is it? Mine? Easy, I'll be the next Levi Ackerman so the guy can finally retire. Next?"

It was gone as quickly as it surfaced, but Armin noticed the flash of melancholy in Connie's eyes. Beneath the gloss of his casual countenance, losing his village left its mark on him—it was clear he did not wish to dampen everyone's spirits with his pain. Deprived of the choice to return home like most of them were, Armin surmised friends in the Corps was all Connie had left.

Sasha, one of the luckier ones among them, spoke up next, "I miss home, so I think I'll take some R&R for a while. From there, I'll figure out my next move. While we're talking about it, I'm requiring all of you to stop by, preferably all together. Venison, boar meat, baked potatoes—there's more than enough for everyone! So you guys better come. No excuses."

 _If we are all still alive by then_ , no one in particular said. Yet in some form or another in varying degrees, it was all in their minds.

The huntress talked more about her younger years before she joined the military: the long afternoons painstakingly searching for prey; picking delicious, non-poisonous berries; effectively utilizing their two hunting hounds. It astounded most of them to learn that Sasha started doing all that at the tender age of five, under her father's tutelage of course. Lest her story overstays its welcome, she soon gave the floor to Armin, who happily obliged.

"Well, my job already lets me do what I love—see the world. With Titans out of the equation, I think we'll finally be able to _survey_ these lands just fine. Think of all the discoveries we could make in uncharted territory—probably enough to fill a dozen books in our lifetime."

Connie snapped his fingers, "I've got it! If you discover any new species of wild horses, let's name it after Jean. _Jeanohorsus horsfacus_. That's one for the books, literally."

"Careful, Springer. You just might wake up with horse dung on your face tomorrow," replied Jean.

The blond reasserted himself before things could get out of hand, "I'm not sure about any wild horses, but I'll keep that in mind. With Jean's consent of course. Anyways, before the hour gets late, I think it's Eren's..."

He craned his head around the camp for his friend, but the Titan shifter was nowhere to be found, "... turn. I could've sworn he was just here a moment ago. Has anyone noticed him leave?"

"Probably just wanted some time alone," Mikasa surmised, getting up on her feet, "At any rate, I'll look for him, just to see how he's doing. He's been... aloof lately. I'll see you guys later."

Leaving the others talking about Eren's behavior the past couple of days, Mikasa set out to look for the boy. He was not in the camp nor in his tent, that much was clear. Even with only moonlight and its reflection on the sea to illuminate her surroundings, it did not take her too long to find him. On the far side of the beach by a slender tree, Eren was sparring on a hanging sack, a makeshift punching bag if you will.

She began, "Eren? Is everything okay? Why are you out here?"

He turned around to face her, wiping sweat off his brow with his sleeve, "Hey. Everything's fine. Just needed some air. Didn't mean to worry you guys or anything."

The low visibility made it difficult for her to read his face, but she didn't miss the downcast tone in his voice, "I won't pry if you don't want to, but you can tell me if there's anything troubling you. To be honest, I've felt that these past few days—as if you grew more distant from us as time went on."

He took both her hands in his, catching her by surprise. The Titan shifter often was not one to hold her like this, especially in the past couple of years when childhood was replaced by adulthood that came far too early. They undoubtedly shared a strong bond, but Eren just was not the type to casually stroke her hair, kiss her forehead, hold her hand, or even embrace her—things she all yearned for from him nonetheless. It was quite the other way around; she was the one to often reach out to him, and even then he would often dismiss her, evidently flustered by the way she coddled him. So what was it that brought about this change in him?

She hoped the moonlight did not reveal the rosy tint quickly coloring her cheeks.

"I'm fine, okay? While taking in the breeze, I decided to do something useful with that bag of hay back there. All that talk of the future had me thinking of the battles ahead. Reiner's still out there, and heaven knows what other abominations. I wanna be prepared for them, and make sure I land the right combinations. We saw how relying solely on brute force wasn't a good idea in the past."

"Mhm. It used to get someone dear to me kidnapped every other day and twice on Sunday."

A cackle escaped him despite the memories that resurfaced, "Whoa, easy with the truth there. It hurts."

She moved her hands to his shoulders, "That's not all. Want to hear another?"

"Not sure if I do, but I know you'll tell me anyway," said the Titan shifter as casually as he could manage, hoping she didn't notice his heart hammering wildly in his chest.

She leaned closer, their faces almost touching, "You have terrible footwork."

He immediately broke away from her and playfully slapped her shoulder, "And I suppose you could do better, Mikasa Ackerman?"

She replied matter-of-factly, her voice devoid of any arrogant undertone, "When you were sparring, I could recognize most of Annie's techniques. I beat Annie."

"Then enlighten me, sensei," the challenge already evident in Eren's tone, "How do I incapacitate an aggressive sack of hay dreadfully hanging from a branch? Care to demonstrate?"

Without a moment's hesitation, Mikasa gave the sack a solid lateral kick from where she stood, followed by a mean straight, closing the distance between her and the target. What came next was almost too fast for Eren's eyes to track—a flurry of elbow strikes, crosses, and knee strikes making mincemeat of the unfortunate sack. As she fought, the Titan shifter began to understand what Mikasa told him. As she generously dished out her barrage of strikes, she was also constantly moving around. She would land three or four hits (the darkness and her sheer speed made it hard to tell) in quick succession, and then sidestep. Her attack patterns were also erratic, making it difficult to predict her next move and counterattack.

She ended the "demonstration" with a powerful hook that would have easily dislocated the average man's jaw. Speaking of jaws, his fell to the floor as she walked up to him. She did not even sweat that much after the thrashing.

"Well, how did I do?"

He cleared his throat before replying, "You were ama—I mean—I thought you did an amazing job."

She pretended not to notice the slip up, turning her head to face the ocean, "It's not that complicated, really. You just have to keep moving and protecting yourself from the opponent. But remember, with stationary training dummies, we can only practice striking and not grappling. You need a partner for the latter."

"If you put it that way, can you teach me that tomorrow then? I could really use your help. You know, might even the odds in future engagements."

Her eyes widened at that. Indeed, something had definitely changed in him. First there was the aloofness, and now there's the open willingness to accept her aid. In the past, he would never spar with her, let alone be the one to ask for help. There was something in his mind, but knowing him, he would not tell her right away even if she asked. He would tell her when he is ready, and that could take a while.

She stared back into his green eyes, and was rewarded with the sight of his rare smile, "If you don't feel like tucking in yet, we can start with the basics now. Don't worry, I won't knock you to the ground unless you give me a reason to. Reckon you wouldn't sleep tight with sand all over you."

His smile wavered, "What about you? You might want to sleep already. Just noticed that the camp is pretty quiet by now. They're all probably fast asleep by now save the one on first watch."

"No no, it's okay," she replied a little more adamantly than she intended, "Since you brought it up, we can begin now if you want. Let's just try not to stay up too late lest we sleep in tomorrow."

He hesitated for moment, but then made up his mind, "Alright then. Show me how it's done."

She did not lunge at him the way she went after the now tattered sack, and for that he was secretly grateful. Taking baby steps together, they practiced close quarters combat and grappling techniques she thought would be useful against Titans. Eren could be quite stubborn, but he also picked up relatively fast. The three techniques she showed him that night were executed solidly after only a few attempts.

"It's nearly midnight, so I think that's all we can cover for now," she stifled a yawn, unaccustomed to staying up this late, "Just remember that training can't perfectly simulate real combat. Your opponents won't react same way I do, and their techniques will certainly differ. So, you might find it expedient to roll with your instinct. I can give you tools, but it's up to you how to use them. Seize the opportunities as they present themselves; in dynamic engagements, they'll be gone before you know it."

"Not just in dynamic engagements, I learned."

"Okay. Your point being?" The uncertainty in her voice was palpable.

He did not answer her, not at that moment at least. Seemingly of their own accord, his hands drifted towards her, one tentatively found her waist while the other glided across raven locks, pulling her closer. He felt her body conspicuously tense at the foreign touch, and he understood why. He was slowly unraveling a part of him that he never before permitted her to see, lying dormant beneath the mantle of rage and vengeance which sustained him for so long. When he meditated on the inescapable fact that his days were numbered (and practically everyone else's due to the nature of their occupation, even without Ymir's Curse), it gave him something else to focus on besides the singleminded desire to wipe out the enemy. He searched elsewhere, and found joy simply in _what is_. His friends were still alive; vanquishing the Titans was more of a reality now than a distant fantasy; new technologies unearthed from the damned basement afforded humanity a little more protection from the enemy.

And there was her.

The girl he saved years ago was now the woman that saved his skin more times than he could count. For too long and far too frequently did he shun her, failing to recognize the true meaning underneath her overprotectiveness of him. To the one who thanked him for a shot at a second life, the one to whom he promised his always, it was never about merely repaying a debt.

 _She loves you, and that's what makes the hellish existence you speak of bearable._

She in turn cupped his face, so that was probably a good sign, he thought. They could easily smell one another's breath at that point, and neither cared about the lingering odor of the stew they had earlier. All that was left was to drift forward, the hammering in his chest be damned.

But panic set in, and the Titan shifter withdrew, suddenly fearful of where this could take them.

He looked away from her, still holding her in his arms, "Head back to camp. You've been gone a while and they might start worrying."

She tried to hide the despondent look on her face, and failed miserably, "Of course. Not to mention we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. You should probably return too."

He released her, and he was yearning for her already the moment he did. Little did he know that she too felt the same, "Yeah, I will. I'll follow as soon as I take down the sack. Goodnight."

"Goodnight," with that, she turned and paced away, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

For how long he knelt on the sands and contemplated what just happened, he could not say for certain. His memory must have played tricks with him that night, for as he woke up on his bedroll the following morning, he could barely remember lugging the sack to camp and entering his tent.

On the other hand, he remembered her just fine, the recollection fresh as the morning dew that greeted him outside.


	4. Four

"Ah, so that explains it."

"There you go again, you know-it-all. Explains what, Armin?"

"Why Mikasa's eyes grew as large as the sun when you told the others why you left last night. She obviously wasn't expecting you to lie."

Not too far from beach where they were temporarily stationed, the Scouts were mapping some sprawling woods west of their camp. After breaking their fast, the Commander divided them into pairs, and assigned Eren and Armin to the southern area of the woods. The Titan shifter could not have asked for a better partner with his wanting skill in cartography. As they rode at a steady trot, he now regretted not paying attention in class during his trainee days. Painstakingly crafting a visual representation of an area and staring at existing maps were not exactly terribly exciting.

"Look, do you really think I could've told them the truth? Folk'll think I'm some kind of weirdo for sparring in the night and that we're up to _something_ with... _what just happened_. Dammit, I don't even have a word for it! What the hell was I thinking!?"

"What the hell indeed, Eren. Look, I understand, and I respect your privacy. But if my opinion means anything to you, I think both of you were being honest with one another until you, well, panicked as you said. You've known each other for years, buddy. At the very least, I think she deserves to know how you feel."

They rode in silence for a while, then the Titan shifter shared his collected thoughts, "Yeah, we've known each other for quite a while, but it was only lately that I gave these—feelings, dammit—any serious thought. My four remaining years pushed me in that direction, the one that will let her know that I need her. But that same thing also held me back, made me afraid. Where will those four years take us? Am I to give her four petty years then leave her forever when I promised 'always?' She deserves better than that, dammit."

"None of our comrades deserved to die too," the blond looked up from jotting down landmarks and distance estimations from his notebook, "But they got devoured anyway. Did the thought of nigh certain death stop them from giving it their all? Of course not. Do us both a favor and just tell her, Eren. Stop overthinking who deserves what and just do what you believe's right. Four years? We're not even sure about tomorrow, Eren.

"One more thing. You are aware that we learned more about the Titans in the past five years than in the last 50 years put together? That being said, put your mind off the Curse of Ymir for now. If there's a will, we'll find the means, and with that the way. Have a little bit of faith."

"Alright. You win, smartass. Now let's just get back to making these damn maps. Wouldn't want to turn in a half-assed piece of work to the Commander."

"Sure. I just happen to be doing all of the work while my partner yammers something about 'getting back to work.'"

"What are you talking about? I'm jotting down notes too!"

"Have you taken into account meridians, latitudes, notable landmarks, distance estimations, the direction, major aberrations on the terrain?"

He tried to hide his embarrassment with the ignorance card, "Why didn't you tell me we had to specifically look out for those?"

"We were briefed by Hangi-san before we split up, and all of _those_ were part of basic cartography class, which I'm suuure you excelled in."

"Condescending, sarcastic moron," Eren mumbled.

Armin reined in his horse and dismounted, motioning for Eren to do the same, "Let's take a break. We've been riding for hours."

"Don't be silly, Armin. We need cover as much ground as possible, and lunchtime's still an hour away."

Notwithstanding Eren's protests, Armin was already tethering his horse, "Trust me, Eren. We have until tomorrow to complete our mission, and I'm sure we'll finish early, so take a seat. This condescending-but-well-informed-moron will conduct a crash course on basic cartography."

"Oh joy," replied the Titan shifter, grudgingly dismounting his horse as well, which uncannily resembled Jean. The two could be mistaken for twins, actually.

"That's right, you freeloader. You're gonna do your share of the work."

(-)

"There's the smoke from our campfire no doubt. Looks like the others went ahead of us. We're almost there, Jean. How're you holding up?"

"I'm fine, don't worry about it. Probably just a sprained ankle."

Assigned to the western area of the woods, Mikasa and Jean went the farthest away from camp, and would consequently be home for dinner last. When they finished mapping for the day, Jean descended from the treetops using ODM gear but misjudged distance, landing rather painfully on his left foot before toppling over. His partner rushed to his side immediately, but he shrugged off the accident as nothing to fret about, even as he had difficulty mounting his stallion. It was nearly sundown, and he had been enduring the throbbing pain for almost an hour now.

"We should take a closer look at that once we get back, still."

"Won't argue with that. As you say, ma'am."

As time went by and accumulating, shared experiences brought what's left of the Survey Corps closer, Jean's juvenile, boyhood crush of Mikasa gradually faded away, replaced by an unshakable respect for a close friend. That's not to say it was easy in the beginning though, for in his eyes she grew more beautiful with each passing day, as did the portraits he sketched and painted without her knowledge. In the end however, his esteem for her superseded the childish, puppy love.

After a few minutes of riding in silence, he began, "You never got to tell us you know, what you plan to do once the Titans become history. Took off before we could interrogate you."

She gave him a wan smile at that, "I'd go with Eren. If he really only has so much time left because of that damned Titan curse, I want to see it through until... until the very end. And you? Gonna make good on your plans to join the MPs?"

The way she abruptly changed the subject did not escape him, and so he respected her privacy, not prying any longer after that, "It was a boyhood fantasy of mine; I'm just not sure if it would make the best reality in the future. I might consult Levi on that. On one hand, getting a shot at revitalizing the MPs and instilling the values we cultivated as Survey Corps members? That'd be sweet."

"But on the other, you'd have to leave your comfort zone, uncertain if it'll all work out."

"Ha, took the words right out of my mouth."

"Well, if that's the only thing holding you back and nothing else, then I suggest you go for it. I'm not sure what waits in the next life, but I know I want to make the most out of this one—doing what I love with those dearest to me. You'd make a fine leader, Jean. I think... I think Marco would be happy for you right now, wherever you decide to go."

His heart warmed at the thought of his old friend rooting for him, deep down believing it to be true, "Thanks... I gotta admit though, Connie didn't completely miss the mark there. I wanna catch up on old times with Christa—I mean Historia, never gonna get used to that name."

"Oh, I see," it was getting dark, but Jean could still see the toothy grin she was clearly trying to hide beneath her scarf.

"Hey, what are you going on about there?" feeling him crack a smile himself, "She's our comrade for crying out—"

"Guys! Pick up the pace, dinner's getting cold," Sasha yelled a couple of paces ahead of them.

As their horses broke to a canter, Mikasa told her unsuspecting partner, "Give her Highness a kiss from her comrades then. C'mon, we still have to get you patched up before dinner."

At that point, Jean had practically forgotten about the minor injury, but he was not shaking his head because of that.


	5. Five

That night over dinnertime, each dyad reported its findings to the rest of the group; the common observation being that the woods was much larger they anticipated. Nonetheless, Armin was confident that all teams would finish by sundown tomorrow, judging by the rate they were going.

Much to everyone's relief, there were no signs of Titan activity in the woods. Nevertheless, Commander Hangi reminded each team to keep their flares in handy should any threat arise. Being paired with the Commander to the northern area of the woods, Captain Levi ran them through the plan again in case Titans were encountered.

Levi devised the plan should Eren be incapacitated or otherwise be hindered from using the Coordinate ability. As soon as one dyad sights a hostile, a red flare is to be fired there and then, alerting other dyads of Titans in the area. From that point on, the mapping mission is put on hold and all teams are to gallop northeast, remaining on horseback unless sprinting abnormals force them to use ODM gear. As much as possible, they couldn't afford to lose their horses.

As soon as the Captain reaches the Cleaning Point (high ground that stands in stark contrast to the relatively flat terrain in the area) in the northeast region of the woods, he would launch a green flare, and all teams are to make a beeline to the exact location where the flare was fired ASAP. If the hostiles are lost before the Cleaning Point is reached, all is well. If not, the name of the meeting place alone, as the Captain fondly dubbed it, should suggest the next course of action.

"The key thing to remember here," the Captain emphasized, "is not to engage as long as you have the option of fleeing, especially if there are multiple combatants. Gallop like hell northeast, look out for my signal, then we gut them there. Whatever happens, I'm ordering all of you not to die on a fucking mapping mission. Clear?"

"Yes, Sir," the remaining soldiers said in unison.

Everyone lent a hand in putting away the dining articles after swapping campfire stories once more. As he scrubbed their bowls clean in a nearby stream, Eren was beginning to visualize a life without the towering man-eaters, for his friends had shown him these past few days. It has been weeks since their last major engagement, and it has done everyone good for the most part. Gone were the blank stares on their faces after brushing with death or losing a comrade; everyone generally became more talkative; the instances of stifled sobbing Eren heard at night was few and far in between nowadays. It was almost as if they were finally living normal lives, working the normal job of seeing the world and gathering together for dinner like a normal family.

Funny how mundane chores spurred his thoughts the most, the Titan shifter thought.

He returned to the camp, clean bowls in tow. He decided to bring the bowls to his tent for now as he did not wish to disturb their unofficial quartermaster, Sasha, who was already in her tent. As he put away the bowls, changed into sleeping attire, and lied down on his bedroll, one little thought made it impossible to sleep one wink.

 _You are such an arse for ignoring her today, Eren._

A handful of times they made eye contact that day, making him reflexively avert his gaze every time. He could not say for certain how he knew, but it hurt her. Though he did it for both their sake and for time to reflect, it was clearly doing more harm than good, even after just one day. After groaning into his pillow, he grabbed his green cloak lying haphazardly beside him, donned it, and went outside. He was greeted by the moonlight once more and the chilly evening breeze.

Though it was fairly dark, the Titan shifter kept his head low, sticking to the shadows. The last thing he wanted was for Connie, taking first watch for the night, to see him making his way to someone else's tent when he had no business to. He had no idea where his friend was perched, so he could only hope for the best.

Before long, he was already kneeling outside her tent. He would have called out her name had indecision not struck at that moment. What if she's already asleep? What if she thinks of him as a creep for visiting this late at night? What the hell was he even doing there? To set things right?

Steeling his nerves for her, he hissed her name once. When that did not work, he called out a little louder, running the risk of nearby comrades hearing his voice. After a few moments, he could make out the sound of bedroll shuffling and knees making padded noises toward the tent opening.

Mentally, he berated himself. _Way to go, idiot; you successfully woke her up. Commendable timing._

"Eren?" she shook sleep out of tired-looking eyes, and her locks were mussed up, "I thought you were asleep. What's the matter?"

He placed both hands on his lap and exhaled, doing his best to kill the nervousness. Why did it suddenly become so difficult to communicate with her? Along with Armin, there was no one else he trusted more, with his very life and everything else. Before him was the girl—nay, woman—that saved him on several occasions and would lay down her life for his in a heartbeat. He should feel safe, not as if a man-eater would sprout from the sands and devour him whole.

Perhaps what he felt was not worth it if it meant losing what they had at the moment—a bond not fated to last for more than four additional years.

He barely registered both her hands on his head until Mikasa spoke, "Hey, stay with me. What is it? Just tell me what's wrong."

"What's wrong..." he brought up his hands, finding hers and holding tight, "... is that I waited far too long to tell you... that I love you. Deeply. Unquestioningly. Completely. For that, forgive me. And for waking you up in the middle of the night too."

Perhaps he expected it, but he was nonetheless pleasantly surprised when she threw her arms around him, embracing him as tightly as she once had when he first emerged from his Titan form. Feeling his nervousness ebb away and speech ability return, he in turn kissed her hair and gently stroked her back.

Still latched onto him, she spoke softly, "I forgive you. For that too."

"Thank you, Mikasa... You didn't deserve to be kept waiting, but the truth is I only gave this some serious thought lately. And even as I put the pieces together, I was still afraid of showing you the whole picture. I was scared of driving you away, or that you might think ill of it and grow to resent me 'til my last days. So, thank you... for teaching me how to love."

She adjusted herself to lean her forehead against his, something she looked forward to getting used to, "And here I thought you knew me well. I've loved you for so long, and you thought reciprocating would drive me away? Blockhead."

He kissed her forehead at that, "Mikasa, I haven't fallen in love with anyone before. You can hardly fault me for screwing that bit up. You had me spinning and I had no idea where to go. I really just made this up as I went along."

"Then I'm glad you found your way... Could you stay with me for a bit longer? I... I missed you, you recluse. Very much so."

He pondered for a moment whether he should stay by her side or not. On one hand, it would not be their first time together. On her first, particularly cruel month in the Jaegers' home, nightmares often found their way in her sleep, the scene of her parents' murders replaying in her innocent mind. Young Eren, roused by incessant, stifled sobbing, rushed to her side without second thought, gently waking her up. From there on, the young boy would soothe the girl back to a more peaceful sleep before getting shuteye himself.

On the other hand, things were far different now. He grew up to be a man, and she a woman. He would be lying to himself at that point if he claimed he did not fancy her. Her face matured and grew more breathtaking with her round eyes, small nose, and petite mouth. It was not even marred in the slightest by the scar on her cheek, though he still hated himself for what happened then. Her figure was no less perfect, managing to simultaneously look tender and powerful. In every sense of the word, she was beautiful. And so the temptation to sin was there.

Only, he loved her too much to act on it.

He kissed her forehead a second time, a gesture he in turn would love to get used to, "Alright. C'mon, let's call it a night."

They entered the one-man tent, and it was immediately clear that two made a crowd in such confined spaces. Twice her elbow found his face, eliciting a hasty apology from her and laughter from both of them afterwards. When they lied down, she faced away from him as the Titan shifter draped on arm over her abdomen. It was their same exact ritual when the young girl was helpless from all the nightmares many years ago.

"Eren, are you going soon? You don't have to spend the night if you don't want to. I just wanted a bit of your time."

"Not going 'til it's my shift. I'm assigned the last one tonight just before the morn, so I won't be here by the time you wake up. Why? It's okay, I can go if this makes you feel uncomfortable."

"No," she said, putting her hand atop of the one wrapped around her core, "Not at all. Don't go if that's the case."

He craned his head above her, placing a kiss on her temple and one along her jawline, tickling her slightly, "As you wish. Get some sleep now. I'm sorry for waking you up earlier."

"If it meant having this to look forward to, wake me up more often."

"Yeah, well, don't push your luck too hard, princess. The others will be bound to find out about us. Just not so soon I hope."

"They're our friends, Eren, and I'm not ashamed of being with you. I don't think it would be right to hide the truth from them for long anyway. Let's just be discreet about it."

"Okay, okay. Now go to sleep. Been struggling to stay awake since we got so damn comfortable. Gotta wake up early tomorrow you know," said Eren, doing his best to stifle a yawn.

"Wait, before you drift off. There's just one thing you're forgetting."

He groaned and buried his face in her raven locks, which was now slightly longer than usual, "What is it now, Mika? Keep it short, please."

She lithely made a 180 degree turn, surprising him a bit though his eyes remained shut. Now facing him, one hand found the back of his head as her lips drifted forward to his, barely lasting a second. Now that got his attention.

"That was _... short_. Okay, you had me. You should definitely lead from now on. I would have botched that one up."

She grinned as their forehead remained touching, "You don't give yourself enough credit. I know you were just nervous. I was too, even if I wanted it for quite a while now."

"Me? You wanted to kiss me for a long time? Me and this slobbery gob of mine? I don't belie—"

Rudely cutting him off, she pressed forward again, lasting a lot longer this time around, to lend him much needed credence. His hand rested on her hair, fingers entangling themselves in her messy locks. While air remained in their lungs, their lips slowly learned an affectionate dance of expression. _Believe me Eren Jaeger_ , dexterous thin lips seemed to communicate. _I do, and I shall 'til my last breath_ , thicker slobbery lips replied, easing her into a state of calm and safety.

She released him though she could have held out far longer, not wishing to deprive him of oxygen, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight, my Mika."


	6. Six

_Where the blazes is he?_ Armin thought.

The last grains in the upper portion of the hourglass trickled to the bottom, signifying the end of his watch and the start of Eren's. He tucked the small trinket away and got up from his perch. Although there were no signs of Titans in their immediate vicinity, Armin still expected his friend to take his assigned shift seriously. Slowly opening the Titan shifter's tent after calling his name thrice with no response, he did not find anyone inside.

 _Let's see. His cloak isn't here as well, so he probably went out for a stroll? Took a leak perhaps? Or did he get all philosophical again? Might be worth checking the area where Mikasa found him last night._

And so he did, and was no less disappointed. There was no hanging sack by the same tree he described, much less an emo Titan shifter pondering his existence and the life after it. On his way back to the camp, he debated whether or not to wake the Commander up regarding the matter until he noticed some faint tracks outside of Eren's tent. This small detail clearly escaped him the first time he was there a few minutes ago.

Armin knelt down, taking a closer look. He was certain the tracks were not his own; he approached Eren's tent opening from the front, and stepped away the same way he came. These tracks went to the right of the opening, leading deeper into the camp. The wind must have covered some of the prints, but Armin could still make out the vague course of the tracks. _What are you up to, Eren?_ The blond thought as he slowly followed his shirking friend's path.

The footprints that remained visible were deliberate and fairly close to one another, as if his friend—if it was Eren—was careful not to wake anyone up. Armin surmised that was better than more jagged footprints that were further apart; that could only mean he was running away from something. Still, Armin ruled out an attack; he did not find any other suspicious tracks in the area, and there were no signs of a struggle or blood splatters in Eren's tent.

"Hang on, the tracks are deeper here," the blond thought out loud, not unlike a certain gray-haired, cat-eyed monster hunter for hire he read from his fantasy books, "He must've stopped here for at least a few seconds. Then he walked... and stopped here once more. I'd say he was moving from cover to cover. Hiding? But from who? The Commander? Captain Levi?" Armin grinned at the thought.

He followed the tracks for a couple more minutes until they led him to Mikasa's tent, "Mhm. This is getting interesting."

Against his better judgment, Armin undid the tent closure, intending to rouse his male friend only. Unfortunately, what he just saw would make that a wee difficult. The two occupants of the _one-man_ tent were snoring softly, very much entangled in one another's arms. From the looks of it, Armin stood a far better chance besting Levi in combat than prying Eren out of the tent. Wearing his cloak, the Titan shifter was still fast asleep, drool seeping at the corner of his mouth and drenching the girl's scarf. _I wonder how she'll take it when she wakes up_ , thought Armin with a chuckle.

Not denying himself a small smile, he closed the tent and made a beeline back to his perch. Dawn was still a good way off. Though he was still irked at Eren for outright shirking his watch, he could not help but be happy for two old friends of his, especially for Mikasa. Assuming Eren finally revealed to her how he felt, Armin knew that nothing would have made her happier. The darn blockhead kept her waiting too long indeed.

Be that as it may, Eren still owed him a shift one of these days.

(-)

She awoke to the sensation of something cool on her nose, not unlike the morning dew.

It was a nice thing to wake up to, until she realized it was something far less pleasant. It took her a few moments to register the slobber of the Titan shifter next to her, defiling her beloved scarf and making it to her nose. Suppressing a gasp, she gingerly escaped from his arms and sat up, wiping her sleeve across her face. Next, she removed her scarf, rubbing the contaminated area on her shirt for now. She made a mental note to wash it in the nearby stream later.

Propping herself up on one elbow, she used one end of the scarf to wipe the saliva off the sleeping boy's face, causing his cheeks to visibly twitch. She set aside the scarf for now, placing it beside her bedroll. After that, she tried to shake him awake, knowing he was probably late for his shift. An annoyed groan was his only response, much to her chagrin. Resorting to a more potent wake-up call, she boldly hovered over him and resolutely, passionately, deliberately pressed her lips to his.

Well, that did the trick.

She ended the lip-lock once he was fully awake, denoted by his hands on her back, "Good morning, you liar."

He brushed aside hair obscuring her face, revealing that small knowing smile of hers, "Huh? Barely got out of bed and I did something wrong already?"

"That's exactly it," she replied, running her fingers through his mop, "You were supposed to be up perhaps half an hour ago. I was very disappointed to wake up with you next to me."

"Well in that case, I'm glad to disappoint you—OW! Dammit!"

A little more forcefully than she intended, she _playfully_ kneed his side, "You selfish, inconsiderate prick. The last person on watch probably had to take your shift. Didn't think about that, did you?"

"I'm pretty sure it wouldn't kill Armin to stay up one extra hour."

"You're a terrible friend, Eren Jaeger."

"That's how I know my friends love me for real," said Eren with a cheeky smile.

Feeling her limbs strain a little bit, she rested her body weight on his chest, "Really? That's all you have to say?"

"That's not all. Wish to add that, since the last time I carried you, you got a lot heavier."

"Mhm. And what are you gonna do about it?" she replied, finding the crook of his neck rather comfortable to lie on.

Oblivious to her affectionate gesture and picking up the challenge in her voice instead, he replied, "Nothing much really, except—"

With a sudden movement, he pushed her to his side, careful all the while not to touch anything inappropriate. She landed on her side with an audible yelp, clearly taken by surprise.

"Except get back at you for that knee kick earlier. Ha! Gotcha! You didn't see that coming at all."

Despite the antic he pulled off, she found it difficult to stay cheesed off at him. For once, she saw him elated, free of all the world's worries and the personal rage he latched onto like a vise. Here he was, thrilled at something so silly as catching the girl he loved off guard for a prank. He was happy, and that fact in itself brought her joy in return.

"No, I suppose I didn't. And I love you."

His hand traveled to hers, by far his favorite thing in the world to hold, "Where did that come from?"

"I just want to be completely honest with you from now on, with how I feel and what I think. Life's too terribly short for things left unsaid."

"Then in that case, let me reaffirm what I said last night. They were anything but whimsical, and I meant everything I said."

Unimpressed, she felt a sly smile tug at the corners of her mouth, "Eren, is it really that hard to say the words? Never known you to beat around the bush."

"Alright, fine. I love you so much more, Mikasa Ackerman of the Survey Corps. There, now that there's no room for ambiguity, I demand a much deserved morning hug."

She lightly struck his shoulder with her palm before sitting up, "You've already had a year's worth of that. C'mon, time to get up. We'll be breaking our fast with the others soon..."

He picked that exact time to quietly sit up and embraced her from the side, planting a quick peck on her temple. Hands joined once more at her belly, they swayed inside their little tent, their rhythm dictated by the beat of their synchronized pulses. They both closed their eyes, content to let their moment last a little longer.

After a while, she broke the comfortable silence, "Five minutes. Then we go. Start thinking how to make it up to Armin."

"I can abide by that. Besides, I know you're perfectly capable of dragging me out there if I resist. Rather not chafe my skin against the sand."

She laughed softly at the amusing prospect of it, "You'd look like a schoolboy reluctant to attend the first day of—"

"Good morning, Mikasa!" blurted a new voice, "Oh, _wasn't at all expecting_ to find you here, Eren. Last I checked, this is a one-man tent."

"Armin!" the Titan shifter hissed, recoiling away from Mikasa. On the other hand, the young woman beside him hesitantly waved, feeling naked without the scarf hiding her reddening cheeks.

"Good morning, Armin," everything was completely normal, and Armin was her longtime friend too, "I was just telling Eren how irresponsible it was not to turn up for his watch."

"Everything's good, Eren and I can settle that later. Right now, we really have to join the others. The Captain values punctuality as much as he does hygiene. Don't take too long."

Before Eren could sputter anything decidedly stupid, his protector raised her voice, "You can count on that Armin. Five minutes, after we freshen up."

The blond nodded and closed the tent, leaving the two of them alone once more. Eren swore under his breath as he started putting on his boots, "Everything we've been through, and he's still a stickler for chickenshit rules. Why the hell do we still have to eat breakfast together like some group therapy session?"

"Really, Eren? You're mad at the thought of joining our comrades for breakfast? That it?"

"Not really mad," he replied, toning down and realizing her point, "I just don't get it why Heichou gets pissed if one of us isn't there. We're not trainees anymore, dammit. We're soldiers."

"Then maybe that's it—don't turn around, Eren."

"Oh, right. Sorry," he was abashed, clearly not having paid attention to the sound of sliding fabric, "Listen, I'll wait outside. I don't mean to—"

"No no, it's okay. I'm almost done. Anyway, going back. I think he's a stickler for this sort of thing precisely because we're soldiers. Levi isn't the sentimental type, but he does care for the squad. Even with fewer Titan encounters these days, we can't really tell when's the last time we'll have breakfast with a comrade, or when he's told his last tale around the campfire. I've grown to rather love the moments we're complete, if only to listen to their stories.

"It feels like being part of a family again. Well, they're the closest we have to family besides the three of us."

Her words stopped him cold. Last night when the squad swapped tales about their plans in the future, he realized that he left too early not having heard hers. Little did Eren know she was not able to share hers, for she deemed it more important to check up on him. Nonetheless, the Titan shifter's hunch did not stray far from the truth— _she wants to be part of a family again once all this is over, one I cannot hope to be part of. Forgive me, Mikasa_.

Arms embracing him from behind, he was torn away from his morose train of thought.

"We can continue this later. Come, the others are waiting for us. Five minutes are nearly up."

"Nearly," he looked to face her head resting on his shoulder, the scarf now wrapped snugly around her neck. This, to which the young woman responded by ruffling his already messy mop then undoing the tent closure. Upon exiting the tent, they were greeted by an unusual overcast morning. A couple of paces away, the blond was waiting for them, engrossed in a small book he carried around with him.

"You two good to go? Great. This ought to be entertaining."


	7. Seven

"Nice of you brats to finally join us mere mortals. So Arlert, what've your pals been up to? Did the sun come up ahead of schedule for them?"

 _Oh don't you dare, Armin. And is the Captain really going to make a big deal out of this? Why can't we just have breakfast, dammit?_ Apparently, Eren's countenance betrayed his scathing thoughts—his protector inconspicuously elbowed him as the three of them sat down. Meanwhile, the rest of the squad ate their meals in silence. Connie and Sasha however, looked like they desperately trying to hold back laughter. The two would often snort in between spoonfuls of soup.

"Well Sir, I believe Eren could supply a better explanation."

Levi shifted his gaze to Eren, those deadpan eyes seemingly scrutinizing his every thought. _I'm gonna kill you, Armin._

"I... simply slept in Sir. Yesterday's been a long day, so I wasn't able to get up in time. I'll make it up to Armin by taking two of his shifts this week. Not that it matters but, the sun came up right on time today."

"Hmm," Heichou replied, letting the Titan shifter's insolence pass, "You'll take up Arlert's shift twice, and first watch on two more days. You're dead wrong if you thought you were off the hook. Do the dishes after we're done, and later tonight too. Pull that stunt again, I'll get a little more creative. And no Mikasa, come hell or high water, you can't protect your precious beau from me."

To which the girl calmly replied, ignoring the oohs escaping her friends and her reddening face, "Of course, Captain. I'm certain Eren wouldn't let it happen again. But I think it would only be fair to take half of his comeuppance. I didn't get up in—"

"If you think I forgot about you, you're mistaken too. But before I get to that, I'm curious. You've never been tardy for anything before, and this one time that you are, Jaeger's late too. Funny coincidence. Care to explain what's going on?"

 _Fucking checkmate. How is she getting out of this pickle?_ The Titan shifter thought.

"No Sir," replied the other Ackerman, leveling with his tone, "As you said, it was a coincidence. Fortuitously enough, we both slept in, worn out by the day. That is all."

At that point, no one dared to make a sound save the innocuous slurping of soup. Not even the usually bold Connie let out a quip; he valued keeping his head more than getting a kick out of the tense atmosphere. It was never wise to piss off one Ackerman, let alone two.

Though it was borderline insubordination, the Captain on the other hand appreciated how she held her ground. He would never tell her of course, but he did not expect anything less from someone who bore the same surname he did.

"Mhm, trust me, it better be. Now on to more pressing matters. We're expecting a new batch of recruits to arrive the day after tomorrow. After we cap off the mapping mission today, we'll be spending the entire day tomorrow setting up simple Titan dummies, similar to the ones you had in your trainee days. Workers and the supplies are expected to reach us by tomorrow at sunup. These carpenters will assist us in constructing the said dummies."

"Where would the training grounds be, Sir? In the woods? Not sure if I like the sound of that," Armin asked.

"That's right, Arlert. We'll only take up the eastern region, which is nearest the camp. That way, in case something goes wrong, we're not terribly deep in the forest. Off the record—I'm personally against this training exercise, especially since we're dealing with green trainees in an area we haven't fully secured yet. But since we didn't encounter any Titans yesterday, Hangi decided to give it a go. 'Treat it as the kids' first on-the-job-training session.' Fine.

"This is where your punishment comes in, Mikasa. You will help me train these eager boys and girls. Not asking you to show off what only you can do, we'll save that for later. First and foremost, I want you to teach these kids to stay alive. Evasive maneuvers, conserving gas, how to use the ODMs as efficiently as possible, maximizing cutting while minimizing the danger of being grabbed. That sort of thing."

"Yes, Heichou."

"Good," the Captain got up, dusting off his crisp white trousers, "Once you brats are done, turn over everything to Jaeger. Anyone who lends him a hand is asking for trouble. I'm off to see our dear Commander, poring over all your reports most likely. Get ready all of you; we set off in half an hour at the most."

Once Levi left, everyone breathed a little easier, no longer fearing for their lives. Unsurprisingly, Connie was the one who broke the silence.

"Oi Mikasa, is that really what happened? It is kinda unlike you to wake up late, and Eren usually isn't too."

The Titan shifter swore under his breath after finishing his soup. _Why the hell can't they just drop this? Have they run out of blasted campfire stories or bloody plans for the future?_

"Actually, Eren dropped by last night. The evening got chilly, so I asked him to stay for a while. Nightmares also aren't near anywhere as bad when he's with me."

 _What the actual fu... Really? You absolutely had to tell them now?_

"So Eren spent the—"

"Yes, I did," said Eren, snatching Connie's empty bowl after collecting the others,' "And no Connie, nothing happened you twit! We used to spend the night together as children. End of discussion."

"Hey, take it easy man! I wasn't implying anything! Furthermore, hard as it may be for you to believe, but I don't think or talk ill of my friends."

"Yeah right," mumbled the offended party as he made his way to the stream, bowls in tow.

(-)

The Titan shifter was halfway done with his task when he heard soft, padded footsteps approaching him. He did not need to turn around to know who it was. His current foul mood getting the better of him, he lashed out before his visitor could get the chance to talk.

"What is it now? Gonna protect my fragile hands from these dastardly bowls?"

"I don't intend to. Listen, Eren. You didn't have to go ballistic at Connie earlier. That was uncalled for."

"No, you listen," he retorted, dropping the bowls on a wooden tray and turning abruptly to face her, "What's uncalled for was you spilling the beans just like that. Last night, I've had my first peaceful sleep in weeks, and it was great. But did you really have to tell them this early?"

"Eren, I don't really see the problem here. They're our friends, not strangers who talk behind our backs when we aren't around. Also, it's not as if we did anything wrong."

"I get that, but did they really have to know about my dropping by? They might get ideas that we're up to something, and I don't want that."

"They won't, and it's not about whether they have to know or not but..."

 _Rather to let them know that I'm yours, and you're mine_ , she did not say. Pondering on those words, she referred not to ownership or possessiveness, but belonging. The latter conveyed the meaning of the unsaid revelation perfectly.

"... to let them know that it's normal for you to drop by, ever since we were young and even until now."

"That's stupid! What the hell were you thinking? However you look at it, they did not need to know that."

"Okay, just calm down. It isn't the end of the world, Eren."

He turned on his heel, venting his frustration on the remaining unwashed bowls and scrubbed them vigorously, "Yeah, downplay your flub with the worst that could happen—the end of the world. Brilliant thinking, that."

She shut her eyes, holding back tears she thought indicated weakness, "You know what, no. I thought... after what we said last night... I can't let you do this again to me. We'll talk when you're a little more levelheaded."

He turned around to raise a question, but she was already walking away, "What did you mean by that? Mikasa?"

Without slowing her gait, she replied, "Finish your work, Eren. I'll catch you later."

"Mikasa, wait!"

She did not.


	8. Eight

Several hours into their mapping mission, they were greeted by steady rain. Mist had settled in not long after, severely limiting their visibility to no more than five meters ahead of them. Lest their notes be drenched, Eren and Armin decided to take cover in an area most densely packed with trees. Water still seeped through, but fortunately, their newly issued cloaks were water-resistant. They intended to wait the rain out, but it showed no signs of abating. Nightfall was creeping on them.

"So," Armin had to raise his voice above the sound of rain, "I didn't eavesdrop, but I take it that her long face earlier this morning wasn't a good sign."

Eren, on the other hand, did not have to raise his, "You've become an expert sleuth, Armin. Any other brilliant deductions you have up your sleeve? The identity of the Armored Titan perhaps, or vital information that Annie refuses to share with anyone?"

"Those too and that you did something stupid once more, which must be doubly disappointing for her after making love last night no less."

Eren got up from the tree they were resting against, as if stung by a bee, "What the—you! Armin! Of all people!? See, this is what I kept telling her. Our comrades will imagine all sorts of things when in fact nothing happened. I don't want that on us, dammit!"

"Relax Eren, it was a joke. And I believe you. Can you get a grip? Loosen up. Our friends won't start thinking ill of you guys. I know them, Eren. Maybe you should be trusting of other folks a little bit more."

"Oh just drop it..." then and there, something faint through the mist caught the Titan shifter's eye.

Armin did not like what he read on the other boy's face, "Eren, what is it? See something?"

"Get to your mount, Armin. That flare came from the western region of these blasted woods. Mikasa and Jean ran into something."

True enough, a faint red signature traced across the sky, miraculously cutting through the thick mist. As the two mounted their stallions, Armin held his friend's shoulder, "Eren, we should head northeast. With this bloody mist, they'll be long gone from the flare's origin by the time we get there."

"What if they need our help!? If anything happens to her—"

"They'll be fine Eren, and you and I both know Mikasa's got this. But right now, we have to trust the Captain's judgment. They'll make it, Eren."

Wrestling with the whirlwind of emotions brewing inside him, he reluctantly agreed, "Alright! Let's move! I'm not sparing this horse!"

"Just mind the low visibility, Eren. And keep an eye out for the green flare."

The faint glow of the green flare could be made out in the murky horizon not long after. They galloped as fast as their horses could manage, hoping to reach the Cleaning Point in time. They both knew the Coordinate ability would render combat evadable, effectively ensuring everyone's survival. Nonetheless, they still had to contend with heavy, unremitting rainfall and that dastardly mist. The two were compelled to slow down their pace after nearly running into trees several times. If that were not enough, daylight was also fading fast.

After riding for what felt like hours (the seed of dread played hell with Eren's perception of time), they heard a shrill whistle in the treetops above them. It was the Commander. After tethering their horses to a nearby tree, Eren and Armin ascended to Hangi's position, ignoring rain that slapped their faces and drenched their trousers.

They found Hangi perched on a thick branch. Though it probably did little good, she was looking westwards, where the red flare was fired. What she said next sent an ominous chill down Eren's spine.

"It's good you two are here. Everyone's in position except for the west team. Have you seen Jean and Mikasa?"

 _It can't be. They're supposed to be here by now. What's taking so long, Mika?_

Armin answered for him, "Negative, Commander. Low visibility prevented us from pinpointing their dynamic position, let alone reaching it. Truth be told, with this weather, we were lucky enough to reach the Cleaning Point."

The Commander shook her head, "In that case, we have no other choice," she turned around to face Eren, and emphatically held his forearm, "Eren, I know you're worried about them, and especially Mikasa-san. But right now, our best course of action is to wait for them. Trust that they'll make it. If I lead the Scouts through this mist, we might end up doing more harm than good. Do you understand?"

Her reason cutting through his hysteria and reaching into the boy's rationality, Eren nodded. The dread settling in his belly sapped his confidence to speak.

The Commander turned to Armin next, "Armin, whatever happens, don't change for now. Under these circumstances, the Colossal Titan would be at a tactical disadvantage. We'll just have to trust Eren."

The strategist nodded, relieved at not having to transform just yet, "Yes, Sir."

And so they were subjected to the excruciating waiting game; biding their comrades on one hand, and hostiles on the other. Rainfall was clattering on leaves, trees, the soft soil beneath them, and yet there was complete silence around the Titan shifter. In straining to hear her voice, he registered nothing else, heard no other sound. His unrelenting anxiety was proving to be more lethal than the so-called Titan curse.

The enemy was the first to show.

The Titans appeared en masse, walking fast towards them. Almost as if they were relishing the feast that awaited them. Levi barked at the top of his lungs, "Now Eren! Use the Coordinate and send these bastards packing!"

Instinctively, Eren descended to ground level and placed himself between the incoming behemoths and his comrades. He focused on his task, setting aside his fear and worry for her, and the abnormals stopped in their tracks. Steady, like lapdogs awaiting their master's next order. Only matter was, Levi could already tell something was off; these Titans were supposed to scram, not linger.

"Eren, what are you waiting for?" the Captain called out, "Trying to recruit them to our cause? Get these bastards away from us!"

"I'm trying, Heichou," the Titan shifter replied, "They just won't budge! This never happened before!"

"Then hold them in place. I'm dispatching them one by one. The rest of you, stand by! Wait for my instructions! That includes you, four eyes. You can whine about my insubordination later."

The mist made it difficult to tell how many hostiles were present, and to move around with ODM gear. They could number anywhere from five to at least two dozen. The Captain had to be more methodical and calculating with where he shot his cables, slowing down his progress. Quickly maneuvering with ODM would be suicide under low visibility conditions. Levi took down three when his companions heard a man's voice calling out. He was distressed, howling like a hound who ran into a pack of wolves. Punctuating his calls were the familiar sounds of ODM gear. For whatever reason, Jean lost his mount.

And for whatever reason, he came _alone_.

Out of breath by the time he reached the Commander's perch, he could only tell so much "I... I'm sorry, Commander. She took them all on. She said that one of us had to make it."

 _Listening_ 40 meters below on the ground, the Titan shifter heard everything. Eren, the same Eren who told her never to give up and to keep fighting whatever happens, was brought down on his knees. He did not shed any tears; there was simply nothing. As his mind slowly registered that Mikasa was no more, so was the rest of him pulled into the void. Willpower, hope, prudence—all of these slowly faded into nothingness.

All he had left was the potent concoction of rage and sorrow, the most intoxicating substances known to mankind.

As the Coordinate effect on them weakened, the Titans took small steps towards the lone prostrate figure on the ground. The Captain took down the three closest to Eren, roaring to him all the while to _keep the fuckers frozen in place_. Deaf to anything else however, Eren set about on a new mission, seemingly having slipped into utter madness.

He was going to make them give her back.

The Coordinate effect having crumbled along with his temperance, her killers sprinted towards him with remarkable speed, even for abnormals. The Titan shifter bit deep, nearly chomping his hand in half, but he cared for very little at that point—least of all a mutilated hand. The expected flash and thunder of a Titan transformation stunned everything around for a second, and that was all he needed.

The silence was replaced by the loudest roar he could muster.

The first to fall took a hardened fist squarely on the face, its head disintegrating on impact. A follow-up hammer fist to the stump destroyed its nape. Before his first kill could collapse, three were already on him, and others were fast approaching. He had not taken on this many combatants for as long as he could remember. But that was not all—he could hear his friends all around him fighting for him. Dying for him—all because he screwed up the Coordinate ability.

 _You're not taking anyone else today_.

In a heartbeat, all three were shoved away, giving him some breathing room. His bite wounds healed faster than they usually did, something he did not notice right away. The one on his left had its nape destroyed from the front, hardened fingers smashing its chest quite easily. He ducked beneath another one's flailing arms, and shoulder-rammed the abnormal hard, sending it crashing against two more Titans. From then on, it was just a matter of trampling their exposed napes. Which he generously supplied.

The enemy did not let up. Pivoting on his heel, he sidestepped a charging Titan, threw it to the ground, and stomped its nape. When another drove went for him, he took all five of them on. Hitting, dodging, tossing, making excellent use of his reach advantage and using their numbers against them. He was a wraith striking with the force of a hurricane, dealing lethal blows left and right while never staying in one spot too long. Incredible reaction time somewhat help offset the hellish, poor visibility; he always had something ready once a threat was within arm's reach.

In their own way, the towering trees aided him. He took down at least two by grabbing an arm or neck and shoving the head against the trunk, finishing them off. One of them had the audacity to climb a tree and take Eren down from above. The Titan shifter caught the adventurous one and tossed it back to the same tree, crushing its nape upon impact.

"I'm out of gas! I can't get off the ground!"

Without hesitation, the Titan shifter ran to the source of the voice, efficiently dispatching any Titan that stood in his way. In one graceful movement, he scooped up Connie from the ground with his left hand, and proceeded to fight one-handed.

 _I said stay away from them! Stick with me, you bastards!_

He whirled all around him, utilizing a barrage of kicks, knees, and punches—all while protecting a comrade in one of his hands.

 _Pay close attention to what I do, as thoroughly as your base animalistic minds allow._

His fist went through the Titan in front of him; simultaneously, the arm occupied with Connie elbowed one behind Eren, right before he turned around and his fist repeated what it does best.

 _This is her technique. This is how she fought. You cannot take her away—she's part of me!_

Another two were not any luckier. When two came on either side of him, he stepped away from the line of attack and shoved one to crash against the other, creating a sickening crunching sound. Once more, his hardened fist easily penetrated the two Titans pressed together.

 _Die at the power of the one you slew. Give her back, you fuckers!_

When only a few of the enemy were left standing, Sasha leapt to the Titan shifter's forearm and picked Connie up, displaying remarkable strength that belied her petite figure. _Not unlike Mikasa during those moments she hefted me up too_ , he thought morosely. He pushed those thoughts away from now. Now Eren could finally concentrate on cleaning up.

Unbeknownst to him, Hangi was closely observing his Titan form from the treetops. It was difficult to tell, and her eyes could be fooling her, but the Titan shifter seemed taller than normal. This particular transformation yielded a form no shorter than 18 meters. In addition, fairly major injuries that took him a minute to heal before now regenerated in a matter of seconds. Could these be actual features of the Attack Titan that manifest only now?

That was not all. Eren was simply walking towards the remaining abnormals, seemingly having gassed himself out. What's strange however, is how the three or so abnormals were taking it. They were exhibiting never before documented Titan behavior—fear. Under normal circumstances, the abnormals would have lunged at him without second thought nor regard for self-preservation.

It all happened so fast. In the blink of an eye, all three abnormals were dropped, never to rise again. The Titan shifter let out a blood-curdling roar, apparently calling and challenging any abnormals that were left.

Several minutes passed. None came. They had won.

The Commander checked her men. Miraculously, none of them were seriously hurt. Connie was a little shaken, but would otherwise be fine. Sasha was silent as a mouse, like she often was after every firefight. Levi had not changed one bit, telling her to check on the others, not him. Armin told the Commander he was alright, but it was impossible not to see the grief in his eyes. Jean put on a brave face, though losing a comrade clearly took a bigger toll on him than the recent battle.

Witnessing the others' sorrow, she could only imagine what Eren was going through right now.

Speaking of Eren, the Titan shifter had not left his Titan form yet. He was kneeling by the fallen abnormals splitting their abdomens open, as if looking for something. Or someone. The Commander landed on his massive shoulder, once more trying to talk sense to the grieving boy.

 _Give her back! She isn't gone! That just can't be._

"Eren, I'm so sorry... But Mikasa's no more. There's nothing else we could do here."

The Attack Titan hunched forward a bit, and Eren emerged from its nape, the characteristic Titan sinews still attached to his cheeks. Rainfall fell on his exposed, fatigued body immediately, chilling him to the bone.

"There's... there's not even a body to bury. I can't see her face one last time, or lay her bones to rest. The bastards took everything. Like they took my home, my Mom, our comrades."

Even as he said those words, a small spark of hope yet remained in him. Part of him believed she was still out there, fighting for survival. Barely hanging on, but very much alive. He knew that if there was someone who could make it through impossible odds, it would have been her. Nothing could have been more tantalizing, but he clung to the small sliver of hope like a madman clutching at the last vestiges of sanity.

"Eren," the blonde boy landed on his other shoulder, a look of determination shining in his eyes, "I'll help you look for her tomorrow at dawn, after the storm passes. But right now, we're in no condition to conduct a search-and-recov—rescue operation. Everyone's gassed out, the two horses we have left won't last long in this weather, and daylight's on its last legs."

"Armin's right, Eren," the Commander asserted, "We're not even sure if the area's clear of Titans. I'll only be risking their lives tonight."

"Then don't, Commander," replied the Titan shifter, who was surprisingly calm, "None of you have to. I know it's asking for a lot, but I need to set out for her tonight on my own. I wasn't there when she was attacked. Let me be there for her now. If she... if she's gone, then I must bury her. I'll not allow wild animals to pick away at her remains."

Hangi was silent for a moment. Eren was certain she would deny his request, right until her next words belied his suspicions.

"Will you venture out in your Titan form, or on horseback?"

"I'll set out in the Attack Titan, Commander. I'd cover ground more quickly that way. I can't begin to tell you how torn I feel right now, but I haven't eliminated the possibility that she's still alive. If that's the case, I need to get there before infection festers in her wounds."

"So you'll need the powerful lamp and some medical supplies."

"We have those in the saddlebags," Armin quipped, "I'll get them for you."

"If there's anything else you need, tell Armin. You have my permission to set out. I'll be telling the others to head back to camp. Just promise me one thing Eren. Whatever happens, whatever you see out there, come back to us. We'll be waiting for you. Promise me that, Eren."

From her words, Eren knew—the Commander did not believe she was still alive. The medical supplies were the grieving boy's hope and solace, not the missing girl's necessity. For this, he neither judged nor resented her.

"I do. You have my word, Commander. Thank you."

After a few moments, Armin returned with his provisions and more in fact. The blond added rope to the powerful lamp, allowing it to be looped around the Attack Titan's neck. Armin brought him a blade in a leather sheath as well, without the cumbersome ODM gear. The medical supplies on the other hand, could be stored inside the Titan's "cockpit" so to speak. Besides the first ever piece of illuminating Titan jewelry and a first aid pack, Armin delivered a large canteen of water and vital information as well.

"I talked with Jean, and he recalled some helpful landmarks in the area where they split up. He said that there was a cave system just a few meters north of the area. They parted by a small hill, and the cave was at the foot of the said hill. When he looked back, he also remembered seeing some dead trees, apparently struck by lightning many years ago. It's not a lot to go on Eren, but it's still better than nothing."

"Agreed. Thank you Armin, for everything," said the Titan shifter, repeating his words the other night, "One more thing. Tell Jean that it's okay, that what happened isn't on him. Tell him that for me, Armin."

"I will. But that... that wasn't all actually. I pondered for a while whether or not to tell you. But I guess it wouldn't be right to protect you from the truth, even if it brings pain."

"I'm in a hurry, Armin. Get to the point."

"Very well. Before they split up, Mikasa asked Jean to tell you something. She told you to live well, and that—"

"I've heard enough," said the Titan shifter, grateful for the rainfall masking his steady stream of tears, "That's enough Armin. I must set off."

"Are you sure, Eren? She would've wanted you to know this."

"I'm sure, and I said enough. Now get off my fucking shoulder," though the stubbornness was there, it lacked the usual bite of his remarks.

"As you wish. Godspeed, Eren. May you find your way back home."


	9. Nine

"I gotta admit, that wasn't the smartest thing you've ever done. You shouldn't have let him go."

The Commander's tent was relatively spacious compared to the other Scouts' one-man tents. Fortunately, all their tents were crafted with water-resistant materials, affording them the privilege of sleeping dry that night despite the weather. The interior was about as large as a soldier's proper quarters, allowing occupants to walk around upright. The sparsely decorated interior, however, reflected Hangi's preference of space over luxury; furniture consisted of only a bedroll in one corner, a chair, and a table with a lamp, neatly stacked reports and unfinished maps. While Hangi occupied the chair, the Captain stood in one corner, crossing his arms before him.

"It might kill him to stay here while his mind insists that she could still be out there," the Commander replied, the lamp behind her casting her face in shadow, "I saw his face. I didn't have the heart to turn him down."

"Fucking sentiment," Levi murmured, "You're the Commander of the most elite military branch, not a moderator of some self-esteem therapy club. I just lost my best soldier, and now you send one of the only two Titan shifters the Survey Corps has deep into barely charted territory with zero daylight left? Are you out of your fucking nut?"

Hangi straightened in her seat, "I don't need your permission Levi, and I don't expect you to understand. Mikasa may be nothing more than a valuable asset to you, but she could mean the world to Eren for all we know—"

"You're damn right I don't understand. Eren is a major equalizer of the Survey Corps against the enemy, and recently Arlert as well. If we were to lose him, because heaven knows if we took out every last Titan in the area, to call that a setback would be an understatement. Inconsistent as it might be, the ability to control the enemy will turn the tide of the war. Bottomline, personal feelings were assigned greater importance than duty. Accountability falls on him, and you who expressed consent. But you know what, that shit flies out the window if we lose Eren anyway."

"If Petra were alive and you found yourself in the same—"

"You just hit thin ice, Commander. Drop it while you still can."

"Then have a little more empathy for the boy, will you? That's what Eren is going through right now. That's what he feels."

"And what do you think he'll _feel_ ," he spat out the last word like venom, "when he arrives at the realization that she's very much dead? Go ahead, keep on babying your soldiers. From what we've seen, of course we know Eren to be the prudent type: he doesn't give in to his emotions nor does he act impetuously. What could possibly go wrong? Am I making sense? Didn't think that through, did you?"

"Alright, fine. I didn't. You don't have to rub it in."

"That's what you're worried about right now? Me rubbing it in your spineless ass?"

A new voice filled the room, "Good evening, Commander. Forgive my boorishness, but may I speak with you for a moment?"

Hangi saw Jean part the tent closure, head tentatively peeking in. She motioned the boy to enter, not minding his dripping form soaking a portion of the tent inside. It seems even the sky was mourning their loss, refusing to cease its weeping. Jean saluted, and the Commander waved it aside.

"At ease. I have no problem with that Jean. Do you want the midget here to leave?"

He gave a tired smile at the Commander's banter, "That wouldn't be necessary, Sir. Come to think of it, I would like to request a bit of the Captain's time as well, as it concerns his family."

Retaining his usual blank face, Levi nodded, prompting Jean to get to the point.

"Armin told me that before Eren left, the latter wished to tell me something. Eren said that it wasn't on me, that I wasn't to blame. However, it just feels the exact opposite. She lost her life because of me, that much I know."

Hangi stood up, grasping the boy's forearm. _There she goes again_ , Levi thought.

"Listen, if it's about the incident report, that can wait until tomorrow. Get some rest, Jean."

"With all due respect Commander, rest is the last thing I need right now. I must tell you the truth of what happened."

"Very well. We're all ears."

His superiors remained silent as he collected his thoughts, and for that he was grateful.

Both Levi and Hangi knew that Jean was not the sentimental type, and that's how they also knew how severely this incident scarred him. Even as he calmly recollected how she gave her spare gas canisters to him and how she held them off, the lingering pain and remorse were evident in his voice, lacing his every word. Eren and Armin weren't the only ones visibly shaken by her sacrifice; it took its toll on all of them, particularly the one who was saved.

Painful as it was, Jean went on, painting her in the brightest light possible without straying from the truth. It was as if there were two Mikasas, and he wanted to immortalize both of them. The first was the one who laid her life down for a comrade, valiantly felling Titans left and right until their sheer numbers overwhelmed her. The second one was the Mikasa he grew to love and admire as a dear friend, a constant wellspring of strength to those around her. Even as he neared the end of his account, his enthusiasm in sharing her final tale never wavered.

Which was all nice and heartwarming until Levi abruptly seized his collar.

"Damn right she sacrificed herself for your sorry ass, so let's get one thing straight," the Captain thought he presented his usual emotionless stare, but he was wrong. Unfazed by the shorter man's action, Jean saw through Levi just as he saw through Mikasa before he left her, and the similarities were astounding. Beneath their masks accumulated so much... sorrow.

"You owe it to her to make the most out of your remaining years, and survivor's guilt doesn't fit in the equation. At some point, every soldier is alive because one comrade shoved him away from the reaper's sickle. We all signed up for this, and we all have to live with it. So suck it up, Kirschtein. If I catch you hitting the hooch or acting all sorry for yourself, I swear."

"I'll do nothing of that sort, Captain. And with what time I have left... I'll earn it. That is all, Sir."

"Good. Dismissed."

The boy saluted before exiting the tent, leaving Levi and Hangi alone once more.

"See, Four-eyes?" said Levi, slapping Hangi's shoulder, "That's how it's done. The day I start coddling my soldiers is also the day I give up the vision of a clean world. Someone had to give it to him straight."

The Commander returned to her seat, resting her elbows on her knees, "You do your thing, and I go with mine, Levi. I have my reasons."

"Please, enlighten me. What could be the reasons behind needlessly putting our beloved Titan shifter at risk? What, it's not enough for humanity to lose one of its best soldiers, perhaps the last family I've got? Must we lose Eren too so things don't get terribly easy?"

"Eren will come back to us, Levi. And I don't have to tell you my reasons. Not up for discussion."

"Because there wouldn't be much to discuss, anyway. He better come back. Not for the sake of either of us, but for humankind. One last thing before I get out of your hair—what about the training of the fresh recruits the day after tomorrow? We still pushing through with that?"

"Yes. After a simple funeral service in the morning, life must go on. We'll set up the dummies along the eastern region as planned. When the rookies arrive, I'll assign personnel to secure a perimeter around the training area, constantly on the lookout for threats. At the first sign of trouble, we'll abort the training exercise."

"Fine, sounds reasonable enough. None of those kids are getting killed on my watch. Anything else we should talk about?"

"Just one more thing. I'm sorry for thinking that you regard her as nothing more than a military asset. She must mean far more than that to you."

"She is—was a valuable fighting asset. That is a fact. What I think doesn't matter. Now if that's all, sleep tight, Commander."

He brusquely walked out of the tent, ignoring the way she called out his name or the rainfall that drenched his uniform, which he usually loathed. With his comrades none the wiser, humanity's strongest soldier entered his own tent, shut the tent closure, and uncharacteristically wept.

(-)

After roughly six hours of searching, going circles, and wandering in the dark, that incident marked the longest time he remained in his Titan form. Whether or not the conjectures about prolonged Titan transformations were true, one thing was certain—with each step he took, he felt less and less like himself. The once clear goal in his mind to find signs of her were gradually replaced by primal proclivities. He became irritable, becoming more like a Titan and less like a _Titan shifter_. _Why the hell did those bastards have to show up and ruin everything? Why can't I find that damn cave Jean mentioned?_

 _Why can't she just come back to me already?!_

 _Because she is no more_ , he knew deep within. After six long hours, his Titan form stood still and leaned against a tree. The false hope that carried him up until this point served no other purpose than to cover a phantom pain, a loss that took a bigger chunk of his soul than he could fathom. Believing that she was alive, that she somehow survived the Titan onslaught on her own with but a few scratches, was the gem he held close to his chest. He wanted to believe, and that's where it starts. Madness only ever sets in when a man has difficulty reconciling what he desires with what in fact is.

He had every opportunity to succumb into the dark, and yet he held on.

Precipitation, which halted a few hours ago, poured anew. Once more, he exited his Titan form, feeling the rain drench his clothing and fill the countless holes drilled into him as he looked up. In his hour of loneliness, one soul came to his mind.

 _I wasn't there for her, Mom. I broke my promise to you. I failed to be strong for her, just like I failed you that day. This can never make up for it... but this I now know. All that's left is to do what I can for what remains. My friends—no, my family—needs me, and I can't end this sorry life knowing the harm I'll bring or the mission I've yet to finish. It's... just so damn hard, Mom._

Cast away by reverie, he did not notice his faithful Attack Titan teetering forward before it was too late.

"Oh, shit. Don't you fu—NOOOOO!"

The Titan fell flat on its face, and the Titan shifter did not fare at all better. Both were out cold.


	10. Ten

_Several hours ago_

Being denied the sight of his smiling face one last time—that would be one of her few regrets.

Yet Mikasa knew there was no other way. Either of them carried only so much gas in their ODM gear, certainly not enough to reach the Cleaning Point. They also learned the hard way there was no escaping these abnormals on horseback; they narrowly escaped with their lives when they bailed out at the last moment. Sticking to the treetops was not completely safe either; these deviants were adept _climbers_ , something they only thought possible with the Dancing Titan and Beast Titan.

"Jean!" she called out to her partner in the heavy mist, still affected by his ankle injury as he maneuvered from tree to tree, "Listen up. Neither of us has enough gas to reach the others. But with my spare canisters, you just might make it. We'll have to take the risk."

"What?" he replied, catching his breath in between swings, "No deal! I'm not leaving you behind. And Eren'll kill me if I return without you."

She landed on a thick tree branch, and motioned him to do the same. When he did, she brusquely seized his jacket collar, catching him by surprise. Jean clearly had a knack for getting grabbed by an Ackerman, and twice on the same day no less. He was met with the familiar steely gaze of hers; he knew at once it was a facade. Her wide-open eyes leaked pain, regret, anger, and fear. _What could she be possibly afraid of?_

"We have a minute at most before they catch up, so listen carefully. Only _one_ of us can make it, and it's gonna be you, Jean. I'm the better soldier here, and I can keep them busy longer enough to cover your escape. Stay with me, and we both die. Turn back for me, try to be a hero—we both die. Understand?"

Her grip on his garb tightened, ramming home the gravity of her words, "I understand, Mikasa."

"When you get there, tell the Commander that I'm sorry. And tell Eren this..."

She carefully told him her parting message to the Titan shifter, and Jean nodded. Taking her spare canisters, the two bid farewell one last time, just as heavy footsteps could be made out once more. Acting on instinct, she dove like a bird of prey, dispatching the first abnormal that came her way. Returning to her perch, she quickly checked her remaining gas before hostiles start pouring in. While nowhere near critical levels yet, she would not be able to hold them off as long as she wanted. Coupled with the low visibility and hefty number of abnormals, charging like a bull would only get her killed quickly. She needed to sting like a bee, attacking the threats methodically and keeping them running in confused circles. She needed to buy Jean a lot of time.

Not even she could win against them all, so her goal was simple: _not to lose_ for as long as possible.

A second, third and fourth one went down without much of a problem, despite the bastards' speed. At the moment, her gear and skill allowed her to be a hair faster than the enemy. She knew that some Titans were probably slipping past her, but there was little she could do about that. She just needed the bulk of the enemy forces to beleaguer her. She often yelled every now and then to attract them.

As more Titans surrounded Mikasa, her fifth kill required a bit more finesse. She missed her target, flinching forward and sustaining only surface wounds from her blades. She narrowly escaped being grabbed by another one hiding behind a tree. She swore under her breath. That one nearly had her. Swinging around a tree and conserving her momentum, the flinching Titan was too slow this time. By the time her body count reached five, thrice that number had taken the fallen's place.

It felt like hours, though she reckoned the struggle had been raging just shy of an hour. As the kill count went up, so did the close calls. She was already grabbed by an abnormal once, tearing away only thanks to weapons she kept close to her and sheer, brute strength. Her last blades saved her, and left a mark on her as well. The giant hand that closed around her pushed the steel to bite into her shoulder, leaving a shallow cut. She did not have time to check for injuries though. She could still fight, wrestling with fatigue about as much as she did with the man-eaters.

Skill could only take her so far; her luck had to eventually run out. And it did.

The persistent mist rendered the use of the ODM gear half a guessing game. Each time she shot her cables over longer distances, she had to trust that both ends will find their marks. On one occasion however, her cables bit into a tree closer than she anticipated. She soared forward with more speed than she intended and her legs hit the tree bark, making a sickening crunching sound.

To make matters far worse, the impact was strong enough to dislodge her cables, causing her to free fall twenty feet above the ground. Bushes at the foot of the tree somewhat cushioned her fall, but not by much. Her fighting spirit screamed at her to get up and keep fighting, but every fiber in her body begged to differ. Limbs outright refused to listen, and she was bleeding in areas she had not checked yet. Not that it mattered, for the suffering would soon be over, she thought. As she laid on the forest floor dying and surrounded, life played the cruel taunter. In her mind flashed that which has gone, that which is not, and that which shall never come to be. In mere split seconds, brought to life was the childhood with the boy she loved; the beautiful night when their souls and not their bodies lied naked next to one another; the future of a family that could never be theirs. She heard his voice at the end, yelling at her once more to pick up the sword and fight. _Get the fuck back up, dammit! Fight. Fight. FIIIIIIIIIIGHT!_

 _Forgive me, Eren. I have done all I could. Please don't forget me, and live well._

Right until she lost consciousness, she paid no heed to the Titans approaching her, engrossed in the surreal reality of her own mind. Her fading senses barely even recognized the distinct thunder and brilliant glow of a Titan transformation some way off.

(-)

 _Present time_

He knew that he was dreaming, but not even that made it any less real nor petrifying.

Nightmares were not new to him, but this particular one was different. He could control his actions to a certain extent. However, the semblance of choice and action seemed only to mock, and not empower. He was taken back to the Ackerman home all those years ago. Only this time, he approached the house as a young man, armed with the Survey Corps' characteristic twin blades.

He did not bother knocking but instead forced the door open, well aware of the threats waiting on the other side. The first bandit turned to face him, clearly surprised and drew his dagger a split-second too late. Eren knew exactly where the bastard would stand and how he would react, like a spectator who saw the same play one too many times. As if of its own accord, one of Eren's swords flew from its sheath and sang the final tune the bandit would ever hear. The blade glided across the man's hairy neck like a hot knife through butter, killing him before head or body fell to the floor.

The second cutthroat came after him with a spear, but Eren remembered this unusually vividly as well. In a single fluid movement, he parried the spear thrust to his right and murderously ran the man through to the hilt. He released the handle afterwards, leaving the blade lodged in the man's torso. The cutthroat stared in confusion at the weapon handle protruding from his chest before doubling over and dying.

He stepped out of the hallway and into the empty room; at once he could tell that something was off. Before he could put his finger on it, precognition abandoned his dream self. Catching him by surprise, the third bandit jumped him from behind and sunk a knife into his shoulder. In response, he wheeled around, shoving the man off balance and attacking with his second weapon, barring no holds.

A single, devastating slash would have been enough, but Eren did not stop at one. He tirelessly hacked and wailed despite his own stab wound, once more lost in the frenzy of rage and retaliation. When the shredded man finally dropped dead, Eren felt neither satisfaction nor remorse.

There was only the ever deepening chasm within him.

He stood in the room for what felt like hours. Only when the sun's rays shone on a door previously veiled in shadow did he look up, shaken from his self-pitying stupor. Somehow, though he never witnessed this before, he knew with absolute certainty that Mikasa was behind that door. She had to be. Without second thought, he rushed to open the door, adamant to see her safe and to hold her in his arms.

She was there, and yet the room felt empty and devoid of life. Her lifeless form remained unmoving, oblivious to the kneeling boy's tight embrace or hysterical crying. She was blind to his weeping face, deaf to his pleas of 'please don't' and callous to his warm touch. The girl was cold as ice, chilling even the deepest recesses of his hollow soul.

In the dream, he never felt so in control of his actions. And utterly powerless at the same time.

He awoke with a jolt, like a man stumbling into a cozy tavern after braving a thunderstorm outside for hours. Rainfall, now just a tad stronger than a drizzle, cooled his warm, sweaty face. When he sat up and opened his eyes, the sight before him was perplexing. The prone form of the Attack Titan was a few feet away from him; Eren did not recall crawling out of the behemoth. Judging from the rate of decomposition, he was unconscious for about an hour or two. He slowly began to register other details. The soil beneath him was moist and mushy. A green cloak was draped over his shoulders, but it was not his own, smelling far more fragrant. Tears began to freely stream from his eyes when his hand traveled to his neck, feeling the muffler he wrapped around a frightened girl who overcame her fears for him practically a lifetime ago.

 _If this is a dream, wake me up after forever and a day_ , he addressed to no one in particular.

But as fate took a break from playing fiendish hands, this was no dream. He held the hand of the bloody arm strewn across his lap and gingerly shook her shoulder with his other hand, praying she was still with him. _She had to be_. He was fully awake now, and fairly confident that utter madness had not taken over yet. Losing her once was harrowing enough. To let her slip a second, third, fourth time would be unthinkable.

"Mikasa... Mikasa, it's me. Wake up, dammit. Don't you fucking put me through this. Please just don't."

When she did not respond, he pushed fears of the worst to the back of his mind, letting his training take over. She was not quite out of the woods yet, literally and figuratively. He knelt beside her and pressed his thumb beneath her jawline, feeling a faint cadence. It was a weak pulse, but it was there. She was still holding on. Fighting for him through the pain. The chilly night be damned, he blanketed her with the green cloak and wrapped her scarf around the unusual sight of her bare neck. The last time he saw her not wearing the scarf was before the artifact even belonged to her.

 _I forgot to get her a new one_ , he thought. _She kept the damned thing all these years_.

Though it would not do any good, he leaned in to kiss her forehead anyway. He got to his feet with no small effort, his limbs protesting after several hours of inactivity. Now standing up, he slogged his way to the decomposing Attack Titan, hoping his provisions were still there and not taken by some nocturnal creature. Making his way around the oversized bones and remains of Titan flesh, he finally reached the nape cavity. He did not count on recovering the powerful lamp seeing how his Titan form fell face first, so he focused on recovering the medkit instead, groping in the darkness with only moonlight to aid his search. After several minutes, he found the leather satchel bag and his sword. The former felt bent around the corners, but Eren thought that the contents should be otherwise fine.

He slowly walked back to her. He stumbled twice, but got up each time. When he was kneeling by her side once more, he placed the satchel beside them, set the sword aside, and removed her cloak. As he recalled the procedures involved in first aid, he held her hand, helping him think more clearly. Until she squeezed back.

"Cold..." she muttered, tightening her grip. He let go of her hand for the time being, finding scissors, disinfectant cream, bandages, and medical tape from the satchel.

"I know, Mika. I know. Soon as I dress your wounds, I'll bring back the cloak. But I need you to tell me where you're hurt."

"Right shoulder, shallow cut," she breathed, though she was in fact unsure how grave the sword cut was. As the Titan shifter snipped the bloody fabric around the wound, she held his shoulder with her uninjured arm.

"Eren... wasn't what I meant earlier. The cloak... put it around you. Take the scarf too. Risk of hypothermia..."

"I'll be alright," he snapped, focused on his work, "Now just shut up and let me take care of you. For once."

"Eren," she was not about to let up, shaking his shoulder like a dinner bell. Thing was, he was not about to let up either. In an attempt to quiet her, he kissed her forehead once more, which was warmer than he anticipated. In addition to some blood loss, a fever might have been slowly setting in.

"No, you're not in a position to argue," he murmured, resuming his task, "Now we do this as a team. Let me work, and you just hang on there. Enough about me, already."

Soothed by his ministrations, she had little choice but to cede to his suggestion. With the fabric cut away, he applied the disinfectant cream next on her shoulder wound, hoping infection wasn't as worse as he imagined. The bandages came last, positioning them as gingerly as he could. As he began securing them with tape, she addressed him once more.

"This... this isn't a dream, is it? It's really you, and you came for me."

"No, no, it isn't," he replied reassuringly as he worked, "I was afraid of the same thing too, but I know we're both here. That much I know. I'm taking you home."

"I... I am home."

"No, you're not. That's the delirium talking. We're deep in the blasted woods, Mika."

"I'm home, Eren," she repeated, reaching to touch his face, "With you."

He leaned into her touch and placed a hand above hers, the tenderness between them gradually growing on him and dampening his usual brashness and propensity to explode.

"You lost some blood, so we'll set out after you get some more rest. Drizzle shouldn't stick around much longer. In the meantime, let me tend to your other wounds. Where else are you hurt?"

"Right leg. Took most of the impact when... I went too fast and fell. Misjudged distance... because of the mist earlier."

"Dammit, Mikasa," he quipped, blanketing her upper body with the green cloak, "Don't ever do this again. I think I have a splint here somewhere."

"I'm sorry... didn't have any other choice. Had to keep Titans busy to cover Jean's escape."

"I know that. I suppose I'm just restless that I wasn't there, that I didn't even get the chance to save you."

"You did. You did, Eren."

"I was far away from you at the time. What do you mean?"

By then, rainfall had thankfully, finally ceased. Despite the pain making it difficult to speak, she spoke of her _final moments_. At least that's what she thought of them at the time. Before she lost consciousness, she remembered hearing the thunderous crack of a Titan transformation, and the Titans that surrounded her must have detected it too. It was practically unheard of—Titans abandoning easy prey before them for some strange sound in the distance. It was however, the only way to explain her survival. After that, she was roused by the sound and tremor that reverberated from the fallen Attack Titan. Not wishing to worry him any further, she left out the bit about about painfully crawling to his location; hauling him out of the Titan carcass; balancing on one good leg as they sought shelter from the weather. Eren did not need to know that.

"Being a freak isn't so bad after all, if it means saving your life."

"You're not a freak, Eren. Stop thinking of that."

"Searching for you, that's exactly how I felt. I loathed myself, and for a time I hated the whole damn world, blaming it for taking you from me. The thought of losing you—it made me feel more monster than man. The monster was inside just as much as I was inside of it."

She held his hand once more, giving it a tight squeeze, "No monster would have saved me, come back for me... nor tended to my wounds. You're my home, my family, my love... and so much more than even all that. So Eren... cut the shit, please."

He brought her hand to his lips, managing a small smile at that, "If you say so, I believe you. But what I'm about to do next might change your opinion. This is gonna hurt, but I must set your leg back to its correct position. Ready?"

"Help me... sit up 'gainst this tree, first. Don't want to lie down anymore."

"Fine, but no sudden movements. Slowly now, Mika."

Against his better judgment, he eased her into sitting up, and her body betrayed the pangs that she would never complain to him about. The moonlight illuminated her face, enough to reveal knotted brows and gritted teeth. A subdued moan escaped her lips though she clearly did not want him to hear anything. Having tended to her a number of times before, Eren was well aware of Mikasa's high tolerance for pain, something he both admired and hated at the same time. It worried him how stiffly she kept everything bottled up inside.

"Don't fret now, I know what I'm doing," he positioned himself beside her, finding her hand beneath the cloak draped over her.

"It's okay, Eren. I trust you."

"I know. Bite into this rag—good. Grab on to my arm as well. It's fine, alright? However hard you squeeze, I can take it. If you pop my arm off, I'll just grow a new one. You're not in this alone. Now, on count of three. One. Two. Three."

On three, a horrid crack could be heard followed by a stifled whimper; Eren could not be certain whether the latter noise came from him or Mikasa. With her grip on his arm stronger than he anticipated, he wasted no time securing the splint on her leg. He could not afford a half-baked procedure; the splint had to stay secure as they return to the camp.

He turned his attention back on her; eyes were shut and she was breathing quite rapidly. Winging it from that point, he gingerly removed the rag from her mouth and let his lips take its place. Her lips were chapped and the smell of blood tinged the air, but the Titan shifter minded not those petty things. She reciprocated the action rather easily and naturally.

"I know it hurts Mika, but you're stronger than this," their foreheads pressed together, they paused from the lip-lock briefly, "Never mind the pain. Focus on this. I'm right here."

"Less talk. More of... what I must focus on," she breathed before plunging them into another, eagerly embracing his lips with her own. Still wary of her fresh injuries, the Titan shifter toned down the intensity of the kiss, seeking to soothe the young woman's pain and not to complicate things with heated palpitation. Ever so gentle hands found their places as well, one at the side of her waist and one at her cheek. He sustained the chaste gesture for a little longer before capping it off with another one to her temple. Among a handful of other sentiments, he conveyed a message in their language that had no need of words: _I am with you_.

"I... I love you," she said softly, as if fearful that speaking above a whisper would erase the moment they shared. The excruciating pain in her leg paled in comparison to the joy brought by knowing he was safe and having him near her. Even as the darkness bereaved a good look at his mug, her mind's eye gazed upon his face just fine. It was far too easy to drown in those emerald eyes, and drown she did numerous times, including the present moment.

"I said that first," he said with a grin, sitting against the tree and easing her to his right shoulder. He offered her a canteen of water, holding the vessel up to her lips. Even in her weakened and dehydrated state, her discipline held fast; she drank slowly, like she usually did in more normal circumstances. When the container was half-empty, she placed a hand on his arm.

"Thank you. Drink up too. You need to rehydrate as well."

"No, save it for when you're feeling better. For now, I do all the coddling. Between the two of us, you're not the only one who worries about the other. Just tell me if you get thirsty."

"Okay. Just don't forget to take care too."

"I will, so don't worry about that. I'm not stupid. Now we'll take time to rest. After around an hour, I'll take you home, hopefully without disturbing your sleep. Get some shuteye, Mika. I'm supposed to take first watch tonight anyway."

She leaned closer to him, settling against his shoulder and letting the arm enveloping her fall to her waist, "You've done a lot already, Eren. Let me... keep an eye out."

"That's not on the table. Rest. We'll head out before you know it."

"But you need—"

"I need you, and I need you to get your strength back. So please, Mikasa. I do not have the energy to argue about this right now. Now, go to sleep already."

Persuaded more by his comfortable embrace than his offhanded way of saying _I care about you_ , she complied. The pain of broken bone still pestered her, but she was much too occupied to let it permeate the perfect night. The soil was damp beneath them, the evening chill made them long for a fireplace, and the rumbling in her stomach ate away at her—but everything was perfect nonetheless. She breathed in his scent; though she could not quite describe nor compare it to anything, she always associated his smell with home and the family she yearned for.

Though he outright confessed that he needed her, she needed him even far more. There was more to it, however, than meets the mind's eye; her need of him is not merely rooted in dependence or a conditional that determined the be-all and end-all of her existence. Veering away from the conventional understanding of need, she needed him for no other reason than she loved him deeply. Contrary to what their friends thought but never dared voice out, her world did not quite revolve around him; she had her own dreams, a vision of the future, and even the kind of house she wanted to come home to every night.

She just couldn't imagine the world without him, even as the noose of the Titan curse tightened around his neck.

"Thank you... for being here with me," whispered the girl to his ear, "I was afraid I'll never see you again. But here you are."

"I promised you my forever, however long that may last, and I intend to keep it," he spoke softly, grasping her hand with his free one, "We can talk more about it in the morning. For now, rest up."

The Titan shifter got his wish before he finished. His protector was already sound asleep leaning against him, her chest heaving evenly. Feeling her weight against him brought him abundant relief, for it was a silent reassurance that she was truly alive and safe in his arms. She might have been injured, and the ensuing bleeding and infection might have been fatal if left unattended. But he was there to intervene. After tending to her wounds, he was at least thankful she was not hurt more severely. It would take some time before she could attain full recovery, but he had to believe she would otherwise be fine. He would not have it any other way.

He spoke softly, not intending to rouse her, "Thank you for letting me keep my promise."

Then, he waited for an hour to pass as patiently as he could. Fatigue however, had taken its toll on the Titan shifter. He barely reached the half-hour mark when he nodded off on mussed up raven locks.


	11. Eleven

Of the pleasant things one could wake up to, a grizzly would perhaps be at the bottom of that list.

Daybreak has not arrived yet, but Eren couldn't care less about that right now. The lumbering creature before them, weighing well over a hundred kilos, inched closer—its mouth watering at the prospect of early breakfast. The bear was relatively calm for now, studying its prey for the time being, but that could change drastically in the next few minutes. The wild animal was only ever slightly less dangerous than their usual opponents. The Titan shifter pondered. If he turned now, the transformation could spell severe injury or even death for the girl resting on his shoulder. He first needed to put safe distance between him and her, something the bear did not quite allow at the moment.

Speaking as quietly as possible, he nudged the girl on his right, "Mikasa, wake up. There's a—"

"I know, now be silent," replied his protector, who has probably awake longer than he was, "Already have my good hand on your sword. I'm proficient with my left hand too. Run to your left on my mark."

"Wait, you have your hand on my—"

"Eren!" she hissed, and at that moment, the bear charged.

In a stroke of luck he knew he did not deserve, he took her in his arms, got up, and sidestepped at the last second, missing the murderous ursine paw by mere inches. Ignoring her protests, he gingerly set her down and drew his sword from its leather sheath (he did not see the point of ODM gear in his search for her), turning to face the stunned bear. Having its head slam against the tree, this afforded the Titan shifter a small window of attack. He thrusted, hoping to skewer the bear's brain despite the poor visibility.

He must have missed. To his horror, the creature was still very much alive.

Now certifiably pissed, the bear jerked violently, wrenching the weapon from his grasp and knocking him flat on his ass. He could vaguely make out her voice calling his name in the background, but it was drowned by the roar blaring in front of his face. _Shit_.

Before the grizzly could trample him, Mikasa scrambled to the bear's side on practically one leg, her own dulled blade in hand. She raised her weapon and stabbed it, but she too did not hit any vital systems. With the bear's attention on the struggling girl, Eren took his weapon protruding from its side and ran the bear's skull through with it. After wrestling with death throes for a couple of moments, all hostilities finally ceased.

The wind still knocked out of him, he stumbled around the carcass and made his way to his protector. The girl shifted her weight on her good leg, hand still grasping the sword embedded in the creature's side. She was leaning on her weapon for support, and her pained face told him everything he needed to know.

He took her hand away from the weapon, and gently eased her in sitting down on the forest floor, much to the relief of her broken leg.

"Are you hurt? The hell were you thinking, Mikasa? One broken limb ain't enough?"

"I'm fine. Not that it matters... but I was trying to save your ass. Looked like you needed help, Eren."

"I know that. And of course it matters! But that's no excuse to put yourself at risk! You already _died_ once for a comrade—"

"I wouldn't have changed a thing if I could go back, and I'd do it again if I have to. Especially if it's you. This is what we do, Eren."

"Don't give me that, dammit!"

Eyes shut, he hung his head and the hands on his lap clenched into fists. She braced herself for another fit until she noticed the stream that fell from his eyes. To say she knew him well is a gross understatement, and so she knew Eren was not one to weep over petty things. Though he never told her, she knew he associated his own tears with vulnerability, with weakness. Unable to express his pain through crying all those years, the intoxicating brew of rage and hate became the more attractive means of catharsis, and even the sustenance of his fighting spirit. He was a war machine that answered to nothing and could endure _anything_ ,

Anything, indeed and truly. The only catch was that he could not endure losing her.

Without second thought, she threw an arm around him, ignoring the aching of her body, "Eren... Eren, it's okay. You don't have to cry. About anything. I'm right here."

He embraced her back, as if fearful of letting her go, "But you weren't for a time. I already lost you once. That's not how it's supposed to be; I'm to go first, while you live your life after this blasted war. But Mikasa, for the love of mankind... _please don't_. Don't go in the four years I've left. I can't lose you a second time. Live through this hell. Promise me."

At the rate they were going, even with the precious lulls that afforded precious respite from combat, she knew. Theirs was a profession that did not freely supply the luxury of making promises, let alone keeping them. Having nothing to do with honesty or moral obligation, a soldier's word was only as good as the breath in his body. The dead could only fulfill so many promises.

She held him tighter, tolerating the pain that shot from her shoulder, "I don't know if I can give you my word, but you're not losing me that easily. I'm sorry... if you thought that you lost me for a while—"

"It felt a helluva lot longer than you make it out to be," murmured Eren.

"But you didn't. I know, I've been there too. So don't you dare say I don't know how it feels because you were the first to go, and I had to deal with it too. I can't give you the future, Eren, but I can give you what I have—I love you. For as long as you have me, I love you."

"Promise?"

"That I can."

"Mika, I love you far more. Even if I could be a real jackass at times."

"At times? Don't you mean all the time?"

He whined, and eventually chuckled against her shoulder, unsuccessful in coming up with a riposte against that. He settled for nuzzling the side of her neck, much to her (secret) delight.

"Eren," finding it impossible not to smile at that point, "Maybe not now, and certainly not here? A rotting corpse is right beside us. I'm not sure I like the stench of dead bear."

"Mmm, don't care. You don't smell like roses either. We're going for a swim soon as you're healed."

 _Aha, he asked for it_ , she thought, "You're a jackass, and a slacker. Twice already we got in trouble because you drifted off when you shouldn't have. One, you missed your shift and Armin found you in my tent; two, you nearly got us killed today."

"Hey, I was awake the whole time like I said. I did not nod off today."

"You were snoring, Eren. Loudly. Used to be fairly quiet and cute when we were small, but there's just no comparison now. Reckon the bear was sleeping somewhere close by, and that you woke it up with those battle horns of yours."

"I did not snore that loudly!"

"I beg to differ, and my hearing's perfectly fine—ahh! What... what are you doing?"

Having nuzzled aside the scarf, he kissed the bare juncture where her neck met her shoulder, sending a jolt of satisfaction throughout her entire system.

"Getting back at you for your accusations. You offended me."

"Tickles a bit. I'll... I'll offend you more often then," replied Mikasa, eyes closed and content.

Fixing her scarf back in place, he planted one on her forehead, "Back at the camp, perhaps. For now, I need to take you back home ASAP. You'll be safe once we're there, and your bandages will need changing soon."

She leaned against his forehead, feeling his breath on her lips, "Are you sure? It's still pretty dark. We can wait an hour."

"No Mika, can't risk it. Almost lost you, again. All because I slack—"

"Hey, that's enough," replied his protector, joining their lips briefly before continuing, "Enough with the self-blame. It already happened, and we made it out alright. That's all that matters."

He nodded. The silence between them was broken when he began, "Why are you so good at this?"

Her fingers lost themselves in his mop of hair, which was now longer and more unkempt than usual, "At what?"

"Telling me what I must know at the right place and time; letting this parched soul of mine laugh; making me hold on when everything else told me to let go. All of _that_. So why?"

"I don't really know, Eren. You just bring out things from me, especially these past few days. I like where we are now."

"Really? As for me, not at all."

Her eyebrows raised in an expression of puzzlement, "Why? Is there something bothering you?"

He brushed aside hair from her face until his hands traveled south and found hers, "Absolutely. We're still in the middle of the blasted woods. Yeah, I detest where we are now."

She smiled against his shoulder, pulling closer and taking in his familiar scent, "Blockhead."

"Heh," he placed a hand behind her head, feeling the raven locks slide between his fingers, "But you know me; I'm not one to stop at complaints. I'm a complainer, and a doer. That's why I'm taking us home right now. Shall we go? Or do you want to stick around a little longer in bear country?"

"Already told you—I am home. But if you're so eager to head back to camp, then let's."

The trek back home was not quite how Eren expected it to be. Yet again his Titan powers failed him, even after three bites and intense concentration. Instead of the behemoth that could considerably shorten their travel time, he was only granted a mangled hand. Much later on, he would attribute the failure to fatigue and the recent whirlwind of emotions overwhelming him. Mikasa insisted on bandaging his hand, but he naturally shrugged it off, willing at least his regenerative abilities to do their job. Her constant, selfless concern for him made him wistful; if only he could use his healing abilities on her, he would have done so in a heartbeat.

With the beeline route he opted to take instead of the scouting path he took earlier, they would reach home in less than six hours, even on foot. Nonetheless, that was not to say it would be a brief journey. Hung across Eren's shoulders in a rescuer's carry, Mikasa's injuries hurt almost the entire time. Barely audible moans and stifled yelps did not escape his sharp hearing. With that damned "Ackerman pride," as Eren grudgingly called it, preventing her from letting him know when the bouts of pain became unbearable, they halted every half an hour or so. He caught a breather himself, but the breaks were really for her. During those times, he offered her water and wrapped both arms around her, hoping he could at least assuage the sting and throbbing.

She spoke softly; he would not have heard her had their faces been any farther apart, "I love it when you do that."

It seemed to be working at the very least, "Do what? Pray tell."

"All of this. I suppose I'm still not used to this side of you."

He knew it was not her intention, but he could not deny the onset of guilt at her words, "I, uh... Okay, I let ego take the reins for too long. I thought before that you were getting in the way between me and my mission, that you would only hold me back... I'm sorry. I didn't treat you fairly all these years. You... you deserved this _side_ much earlier."

"Doesn't matter, Eren. There's nothing to apologize for. I told you, remember? I'm happy where we are now. But don't think that you have to act any differently; you don't owe me anything. So long as you're safe, that's enough for me."

"Then I suppose this counts as more than enough."

Lest he worsens her injuries, he could not kiss her as passionately as either of them wanted, but he came damn near close. Her mouth gradually became a favorite dwelling place of his, relishing in the safety and tenderness that stood in stark contrast to the lives they led. Their lips danced to the synchronized beats of their pulses, eagerly taking the other in its contour. He felt her heart race against his chest— _lub dub, lub dub, lub dub_ —and Eren was grateful to feel and hear it.

For what better music was there to listen to than the heartbeat he guarded so dearly?

He gingerly broke away, pausing only to stare at lidded eyes hiding those piercing charcoal orbs, "Yes. That's more than enough, Eren," his protector whispered.

"Glad to exceed your standards. You of all people, worth a hundred soldiers and all."

"You misunderstand. I never wished for that 'hundred soldiers' title. I just knew I had to be in the best position to... to watch your back. And I couldn't do that as a mediocre soldier."

"Then you started packing abs earlier than the rest of us."

"Mmhmm, someone's been especially keen."

"What? No, of course not! Sasha mentioned it one—"

He did not realize she was jesting until he noticed her coy smile. Truth be told, despite his slight envy of her superior skills as a soldier in the years past, her prowess secretly earned his admiration more than jealousy. How she bested anyone that went toe-to-toe with her (including him, on several occasions) how she never complained about anything at all; how she lived life as a silent, powerful force always surging forward. In his eyes, she became invulnerable, and so he slacked off in keeping her safe, knowing she could take care of herself. It was a decision he regretted many times over, his remorse reflected by every scar that etched both in her body and his soul.

From now on, they were to be on equal terms. He was to be her protector, as much as she is his.

"Hey," a hand on his hair broke him from his reverie, "are you okay? You're leaving me again."

"'m fine, and that's not gonna happen. Never again, long as I live," he put a hand on her scarf, emphasizing a promise uttered not too long ago, when death both stared them in the eyes.

She fought back tears, and the morbid thought that he only had so many years left, "That's for an entire lifetime then. I hope you won't get tired of me in that time."

"Don't be stupid. That's impossible for me, Mika," he planted one on her forehead, his lips affectionately lingering for a while, "C'mon, let's get going."

With some effort, he gingerly hefted her up again on his shoulders, which naturally worried the girl.

"Mikasa, no. Not now. I have to concentrate as it is, so quit worrying. You'll just have to trust me. I can carry you just fine."

"You sure?" she replied meekly.

The Titan shifter grumbled, squeezing her uninjured forearm as he trod on fallen leaves, "I am. I'll get some shuteye once we get back at the camp, but not before. Now I know it's asking for a lot, but try to relax. We'll be home before you know it."

"Alright. Thank you... for coming back to me."

"Promised you forever, didn't I? I'd always come back for you. Got a promise to keep, with or without that damned scarf I forgot to replace back then. Really ought to get you a new one."

She almost shuddered at the thought, but at the same time appreciated the gesture, "This one's just fine, Eren. It means a lot to me, and maybe the person who gave and wrapped it around me as well when I was cold."

"Maybe? Really? Forget about getting you a new one. Ain't buying a damn thing for you on soldier's pay."

Despite everything, this elicited a smile from her, "I love you, Eren."

"Uhuh, now you tell me that shit."

"That's right, so you better get used to this 'shit.'"

"You know what, to tell you the truth, I don't think I ever will."

This genuinely worried his protector, "Why? If you prefer the way things were between us before, I'm okay with that. Already told you that nothing has to—"

"Mika, it isn't that," he rudely interrupted with that damned sweet voice of his, she thought, "It just feels new each time you say it, like a gift that's opened again and again without diminishing joy. I could never get used to something I could never take for granted. So, that's what I meant, idiot."

This time, she squeezed his forearm and lifted 'til her hand found his. Calloused digits and palms relished in the tender touch of the other, putting her in the familiar state of calm and safety.

Mikasa enjoyed all the wordless conversations with him as well.

After a while, her grip slackened. This nearly stopped Eren's heart until he heard soft snores. Nevermind scaring him half to death, at least she was not awake to feel the brunt of the pain. Her body resting across his shoulders felt relaxed for the most part.

"Don't you dare die on me. Set your leg back in place, and I staunched the bleeding, so you better keep your end of the bargain."

He marched on for what felt like hours nonstop, and his body felt like one, hulking piece of lead by then. He was fairly certain that the Titan serum aided in sustaining his steady pace, regenerating worn out legs and an aching back. A sharp voice unexpectedly broke him from the monotony of the past few hours or so.

"Eren! That you? And is that—"

"Connie, it's me," the Titan shifter called out in a hoarse voice, "I need a stretcher! Now!"

His friend shot away without replying, presumably to fetch the requested article. A few minutes passed until Connie came back with a stretcher. Along with a barrage of questions, chiefly having to do with what transpired in the past couple of hours. He waved most of the queries aside as he gingerly let his protector down on the stretcher. He considered it a moot point to answer them now.

"Not now, Connie. I'll explain everything back at the camp. Right now, she needs a proper medic and some decent accommodations."

"Sure, Eren," said Connie as they hoisted the stretcher and started pacing, "Sorry about that. Didn't realize you must've been up the whole night. After all that, I'm just glad you got her back. That was nothing short of a miracle."

"No, that wasn't the miracle," replied Eren without hesitation, "It's that she was the one who found me."


	12. Twelve

"You're up. No clue know how you do it, Eren. You really ought to teach us your tricks someday."

He awoke in a tent far larger than his, with a simple table nearby and his blonde friend seated on a stool beside him, some important-looking documents in hand. He initially ignored his friend's question however, as the fingers entwined around his own took most of his attention. Beside him, still fast asleep, laid his protector. Naturally, she had to hold fast to his hand before nodding off; well, not that he minded it one bit.

"Yeah, glad to see you too. Do what, Armin?" he matched his friend's voice, speaking softly as to not rouse his Mikasa.

"The impossible. You'll probably get mad at me for this, but I thought her gone as soon as Jean came alone. She wouldn't hesitate to lay down her life for any of us, and you especially."

"Well, I'm not mad. I can't really blame you; I couldn't begin to tell you how it fucking felt when I thought she... But you want to know how I did it. When I set out, I didn't think my mission impossible. I was going to get her back; there was just no other alternative. Typical Mikasa, she was the one who found me instead. Does the saving even when she's the one who needs it. Always loved and hated her for that."

"Connie said something along those lines earlier. Care to share what happened?"

"Got knocked out cold when I fell flat on my face in the Attack Titan. When I woke up cold and wet from the downpour, there she was by my side. She dragged my ass, on a broken leg, by the nearest tree just to get some shelter from the rain. Then from there, we made our way back. I don't have words too for how I felt when I—when she, found me. You see, Armin, she found me, and took me home."

"I suppose some things never change. She'll always have a knack for saving your ass. And how's your guardian now?"

"Still out cold, obviously. I just hope her injuries aren't as bad as I think. I didn't like the angle I found her leg in. And that cut on her shoulder... Why can't I just use these damn Titan powers to help her?"

"Have you forgotten? You have, several times in the past. On top of that, your other form helped you cover ground much faster and more practically than on horseback. So quit berating yourself. You've done all you could, and I know she's more than grateful for everything."

"I know that Armin, but... it's just that I hate seeing her like this. She isn't supposed to get hurt, and I'll lose my shit if she pulls that self-sacrificing crap one more time."

"Well," the blond stood up, replacing the book in a small shelf beside him, "we now both know that you're aiming for the moon Eren. Ours is a profession that's more generous with scars than anything else. She'd sacrifice herself for you or anyone else in this squad if there was no other choice, and I would too, Eren. You can't save her from saving you. Just be by her side."

Without him noticing, his grip on her hand subconsciously tightened, "I still don't like it, but I get where you're coming from. You going somewhere?"

"I'll be helping the others set up Titan dummies not far from here. Got some new recruits to train tomorrow."

"What? You sure you'll still be needing those dummies? Maybe the Titans will be ever so kind as to show up in the middle of training and swallow somebody."

"The sentries posted will make sure that won't happen, and we can't protect them from our reality for long anyway. So take it easy, Eren. We'll talk later, after you get some more rest."

"I'll see you later, too."

Without looking at her, he knew that the girl had awakened as soon as Armin left. His other hand reached for the warm cheek that belied her pale, icy pallor.

"How are you? Be honest with me."

She leaned into his calloused hand, and gave him a wan smile, "I'm fine, Eren. And when was I ever not honest with you?"

"Right now. That damned pride of yours prevents me from taking proper care of you. Do you need pain relievers? Can I get you anything?"

"Eren, there's really nothing to worry about. I can take this. And I only ask that stay with me for a while. Please?"

The Titan shifter ceded, lying on his side and nuzzling his guardian's uninjured shoulder, A languid arm snaked around her waist, gingerly pulling her closer. Childhood memories from long ago were suddenly fresh in his mind—he missed embracing her, and generally being the one to make her feel safe.

"You didn't get one thing quite right."

"And what would that be, Mika?"

"That I don't let you take care of me. You've been doing just that, for the past couple of days in fact. And of course I appreciate all that."

He let out an audible sigh, "Alright, fine. Just, enough of the acting tough and... telling me you're fine when there's something that I should attend to. Can we agree on that, at least?"

"If that's what you want, okay. I'm alright with that too."

"Good. Still a bit exhausted, so is it okay if I nap for a bit? And I also sleep easier when you're around. Yeah, that's it. I, uh... miss drifting off next to you."

"Well, if you put it that way. I suppose I'm used to it by now; you nodding off before you could kiss me goodni—"

His mouth silenced hers, tongue frozen still mid-sentence until another moved it once more. This new development startled her, and thrilled her as well. The sensation of probing another's mouth felt alien, but she had no qualms as it belonged to the boy she loved anyway. The thought of sharing a new experience with him was beyond wonderful on its own, but actually feeling it was another matter altogether. Time seemed to stop, and the ever so brief present they shared felt everlasting.

She regretted how her current injuries severely limited her wordless communication with him.

"Did someone say kiss?" said the Titan shifter as she felt him smile, though both their eyes were lidded.

"We're... in the Commander's tent. Someone might walk in on—"

And there he went again, cutting her off from whatever she was about to say next. He was getting bolder, the impulsive propensity bleeding into their relationship, and she loved every ounce of it. He was audacious in a way that was unmistakably Eren, the boy who surged forward without second thought and had no idea when to quit. Yet, even as he projected a show of strength in their liplock, so did he convey an act of surrender. If it were possible to be unrelenting and gentle at the same time, Mikasa thought he fit that perfectly. She was a rose whose petals he took care not to ruffle, and a wild horse that he had to break.

It did not take long before the boy fell asleep in the girl's arms, undoubtedly still winded from the rigors of last night. After all, he practically carried her the whole night. Though she had a slim physique, well-developed muscles added to her heft. In another time and place, she would have worried how her sculpted body may have made her less effeminate in the eyes of Eren, how her wanting womanliness may avert the gaze she secretly yearned from him since their trainee days.

With the reality they faced however, she could not afford to be second-rate in her mission to protect him. And so she trained to be the best, her enhanced genes augmenting her every step unbeknownst to her. Even as she laid beside him contemplating, the Ackerman genes borne of Titan research were working to heal her injuries at an alarmingly fast rate. She could not care less about being worth a hundred soldiers; she just had someone to look after.

But all the training, bloodshed, and massive loss of life did not kill the child in her. She softly sang him a tune, an old lullaby she learned from her Mother. Even as Eren cried on the nights after he lost his home and mother, Mikasa refrained from singing him the lullaby, fearing the pain it would bring and opting to embrace the distressed boy instead. Now, there was no pain as music seeped from her lips, the words still very much familiar to her heart even after many years of hiatus.

She was home.

(-)

 _The following day_

The last thing he wanted was for them to get cocky.

"You two got something to celebrate? Let me bring the hooch for you then."

Two of the soldier-trainees under Levi's watch were doing reasonably well until they committed a fatal mistake. After the blond-haired boy took out three Titan dummies and another with black hair took out two, they descended to the forest floor. Then the bloody idiots slapped one another's backs.

In an instant, the flash of smug satisfaction left their eyes and they saluted the Captain.

The blonde, who seemed to be the older of the two, spoke up first, "My apologies, Sir. That was our first action in days and we just got carried away."

The other rookies watched from the treetops, as if fearful of going anywhere near the displeased Captain. The mysterious aura he projected more than made up for his unimpressive height, and not one of them doubted that this was indeed Humanity's Strongest in the flesh.

"What's your name?"

"Edward, Sir."

"And you?" said the Captain, jabbing a finger at the other nincompoop.

"Connor, Sir. Captain, it won't happen again. I swear, from now on—"

"You'll say your name when asked, and nothing else. Is that clear?" cut Levi, who was still surprisingly calm.

"Yes, Sir!"

"Now listen, Edward and Connor. Until you two decided to act like blasted idiots, you were both doing fine. Gotta admit it, you both know your way around ODMs. But, you don't need telling that checking the area for other Titans is mandatory right? Even if there aren't any hostiles in sight for the time being? For example, Connor, take a good look behind you and look up a little bit."

The youth with jet black hair did as he was told, and his jaw dropped not long afterwards.

"What—how did that get there? I swore I took them all out."

Partially hidden by vines and secured behind a large tree, one Titan dummy remained. While not completely missable, the inattentive eye would have glossed over it, as was in the case of Connor.

"You two expect to be conquering victors when you can't even see for shit? Unwise."

The younger man pleaded with Levi, "Captain, I'm sorry. That dummy was closer to my position. I should've taken it out. Accountability falls on me."

"First off, damn straight. You alone are responsible for nearby Titans you see ahead of your squad. Screw that up, and you'll have blood on your hands. Second, as far as we're concerned, there aren't any dummies here, so think and train like lives depend on it."

He raised his voice just a little louder to reach the treetops, the impressive volume belying his childlike height, "I catch any of you treating these sessions like playtime, getting bitten in half will be the least of your worries. Is that clear?"

"Yes, Sir," shouted the anxious recruits, now very much reluctant to do anything stupid.

"As it should be. Now head back to camp. The Commander's scheduled to teach you rookies on group strategies and attack formations. Back to your mounts, all of you. Dismissed."

The two offenders before him saluted once more, then hastily went out of his sight. After several hours of ODM training, their countenance betrayed an aura of fatigue and silent fulfillment at the same time. He knew these kids were tired, but they also seemed content with having accomplished something meaningful today. The ones on the treetops descended quietly, and all left the training grounds on horseback, leaving the Captain alone with his thoughts. And the sound of birds chirping somewhere above.

These new recruits were well aware of the pressure on them as the next generation of Survey Corps soldiers. What they did not know was the pressure on the Captain himself as well. In Levi's hands rested the quality of soldiers that would champion those within the walls. From these dedicated young men and women had to come brilliant strategists, charismatic leaders, soldiers worth a hundred others, and fighters who would one day be called "Humanity's Strongest." The title couldn't be his alone forever, he thought grimly.

He was broken from his reverie by approaching hoofbeats.

"Good day, Captain," said Armin as he dismounted, "You ordered to see me?"

"Yes. We received an important letter today from none other than your old comrade, and who now happens to be our queen. For now, what I'm about to tell you remains with me, Hangi, and you."

"Understood Sir. What is it about?"

"Well Arlert, what do you say to leading the first Survey Corps mission beyond your precious ocean?"


End file.
